"The Talk" at 4

I picked up my oldest (Cameron, age 4 1/2) yesterday from our friend's house where he & his 3 year old brother stay until I get off work. We all go to the same church & our kids play together...all are pretty much the same age. They have 2 girls & a infant boy.

My friend told me how, while drinking a morning cup of coffee, heard whispering in the next room. There Cameron was found with my friend's youngest girl in an "intimate moment". Keep in mind that Cameron is our more emotional child who will erupt in a flow of tears & wails when he has to hug his brother & apologize for doing something to him.

Cameron was told that it is not acceptable to be doing what he was doing with a little girl. Now before you think this kid was "gittin' jiggy wit' it", there wasn't anything kinky about what occurred... But it was certainly an act that would not be encouraged as it could lead to other things.

As soon as he was confronted with this, the waterworks were turned on full. He burst out in blubbering & shame, covering his eyes & wailing. My friend tried to assure him he was not in trouble nor was he going to be punished. But that it was not a nice thing to be doing at his age.

I chose to approach him about this after supper just before bed time. I diverted his brother to the VCR & made my move while mommy was on the phone. I even began our talk by saying he was not in trouble. But as soon as I mentioned the incident, the blubbering began. He kept insisting he did not want to talk about it because he "didn't like it". However, I really felt if it was not talked about, it could become a repression issue.

What happened that was so emotionally traumatic for this 4 year old? Well, here's the story I heard... He said his little friend (and youngest daughter of our friends) whispered she loved him very much! He admitted that he felt happy when she told this to him. He responded with a hug for his new girlfriend. I wanted to assure him that what occurred was, indeed, a very special thing that happened and that it was very special to have someone tell another that they loved them.

I also wanted to caution him that mommy often tells me that she loves me and that makes me happy, too. A big grin spread across his face. I told him that this sort of thing happens all the time with grown-ups and when grown-ups get married by a pastor. I tried to also make him understand making each other "happy" should be done when he is older.

At least I'm pleased that this small incident didn't include my friend's son. I'll take my blessings where I can!