A Real Life Relay

Late next month, the local chapter of the American Cancer Society will kick off their annual Relay For Life in my hometown of Booneville, AR. I remember my early involvment with the ACS back when I was in elementary & middle school. I had the privledge of working with one of my hometown's most prominent citizens, Marcelle Phillips, by being asked to serve as the "Jr. Crusade Chairman" for the ACS back in the 1970s. I entered the ACS Bike-A-Thon where I won top prizes for sponsorship & monies raised. Little did I know that what I was doing was just a forerunner to just how essential my participaton in the ACS was. What would happen on that one eventful day by the time I was in the eighth grade would remain with me for life.

Mom had her regular check-up at the doctor's office where the doctor discovered a lump in her breast. The biopsy was sent off for diagnosis & mom returned to the doctor once the results had come in. I remember all of us standing in the kitchen together after Dad called everyone together once Mom returned from the doctor's office. Mom stood next to him, not saying anything. Dad informed myself & my sister that the tumor that was discovered was found to be malignant. My sister didn't know what that word meant & asked Dad about it. Dad said in a broken voice, "Your Mother has cancer."

Then, he turned & left the room.

We all followed him, not saying a word, up the hallway into their bedroom where Dad sat down on the bedside. Mom sat next to him with my sister & I next to her. I remember seeing the outline of my dad sitting in front of the bedside lamp with his head in his hands. And he began to sob. I had never seen my dad cry before in my life & as a 14 year old, this caused me great anxiety & turmoil. I knew this was big time.

Mom told Dad that he should not be upset because they hadn't begun treatment & we really did not know anything else. My Dad could only think of having two children without a mother...and he without a companion.

Mom had her mastectomy & began her radiation treatments & we were prepped about what could happen once these treatments began. However, the only side effects Mom had was the sore throat & loss of energy. She went every week to get the radiation treatments & was contantly examined to make sure "they got it all".

They didn't.

Two years later, a second lump was found in her other breast that was diagnosed as malignant. And this time, she went through chemotherapy. And, the only side effects she had was nausea & the usual symptoms. In both treatments, however, she never lost her hair.

And, Mom lived another 25 years after these proceedures.

That's when they found lumps cropping up in her lungs. Again, this stemmed from the prior breast cancer she had contracted earlier. The new (at the time experimental) drug, tomoxiphin, had been approved for use on cancer patients & she began taking doses of this...which bought another 5 or more years.

It was during this time she celebrated her 40th wedding anniversary & wanted the kids to throw her a party. She confessed to me that she was looking at this party as her "50th Anniversary" because she said, "I'll not make it to my real 50th".

And, true to her prophetic assumption, at age 67, more lumps were found. One in the pelvic area and another at the base of her cerebellum. She opted this time not to undergo any type of surgery because at her age and because of her loss of lung tissue from tuberculosis as a teenager, she would come out of the operation on a respirator for the rest of her life.

Mom died before she saw her 69th birthday in 2000.

Dispite living a life like this, Mom never turned down an opportunity to talk to other women (and their husbands) who had been diagnosed with breast cancer or who was looking at the possibilities of mastectomy. During these 30+ years, no one ever heard her complain about having cancer. No one ever heard her question God, blame God, or any other way deny the responsibility she had in having to deal with the disease. No one ever heard her express how she felt life had cheated her.

She only spent her last 30 years being an inspiration to others.

And to me.

To Reconcile or Not To Reconcile?

I have some challenges dealing with people who I've been "at odds" with. I am a person who will take on a disagreement head-on. And if I've done something to offend a person, I try to make it right & then move on. However, I have a lot of trouble with those who can't move on with me.

It bothers me when, after I've made a good faith attempt to make amends with another and then that person suddenly has changed their approach to me. Yes, I do realize there must be some time to recover or to earn back any trust issues that may have been lost. But to pull back & give a "stand-offish" treatment to me will not help improve the relationship.

I deal with issues like this first by bucking the treatment & trying to carry on as normal. I do this because I want the person to understand that I've taken responsibility for any action I was guilty of and I'm trying to re-establish our prior relaionship before the offense occurred. If that person fails to respond to my good-faith attempts at reconciliation, I surmise that the effort is a moot cause & resolve that this is merely a one-sided reconciliation attempt.

Depending on how much I feel there is left to salvage in situations like this, I may directly approach the person & "clue them in" on just what is going on. I have no trouble calling things out into the open & resolving the problem. But I see no sense in doing it if the other person refuses to cooperate.

What I can't seem to understand, I guess, is why -- after an individual has expressed the desire to not only seek forgiveness but also reconciliation -- that the other person just shuts down...giving only "lip service" to the friendship/relationship? If the shoe were on the other foot, I would be at least a little bit encouraged that the person was eagerly trying to restore a broken trust. I would think it would be like rubbing salt into a wound for me to draw away from such an attempt, even if I were the one who was offended.

I guess this is one of the great mysteries of humankind. I can only wish that everyone would be so willing to be transparent with one another. I believe this would go a long way at acheiving better relations with each other ...and maybe even between cultures & nations.