A Lasting Random Moment

I read this year that one of my "heroes" who is a tremendous influence on my life, my former Baptist Student Union (or now called, "Baptist Collegiate Ministries") Director, is retiring.  Okay, so I knew it had to come & I'm okay with that.  But that's not what stopped me in my tracks & made me do a double-take in life.  It was what I came upon in my trunk of junk down in my basement a few months ago.  I had always remembered this item, though I had forgotten about actually saving it in my trunk.

Arliss Dickerson was my BSU Director during the 4 years I attended Arkansas State University.  During my intense involvement with the ASU/BSU, the impact he had upon my life would eventually reverberate well into the 21st Century.  I always felt that his mentorship was unique & was something that stayed with me.  But it wasn't until years later, after getting married, moving 1,200 miles from my home, & starting a family, that I discovered that he had been elevated by other BSU Directors to a type of "Baptist Sainthood" among collegiate ministers.  Needless to say that even this was no surprise to me.

But when I found this memento in my trunk, it hit me that Arliss was a one-of-a-kind person.  Coming out of a childhood where my relationships were mostly fair-weathered, what I learned from Arliss & how he established relationships was one of the primary cornerstones that help to build my character.  And how I got this memento was one of the most random moments of my life--yet it was something I will cherish like a family heirloom.

Arliss & I were standing in the breezeway entrance of the Baptist Student Center one afternoon (I believe the current term in culture is "chillin'"), not really talking...but when we did, it was about nothing, when he reached out nonchalantly & grabbed a plain white piece of paper.  He reached for a black "Majik Marker" & scribbled a note, folded the paper, & handed it to me.  He smiled & headed down the hall to his office.  Totally thinking to myself, "Okay, what crazy thing did Arliss write?"  I unfolded the paper & saw this:

A little note that had a big impact.

I chuckled at the randomness of his attempt at a campaign slogan, but then it just sunk in to my psyche that I was a person of value to him.  I was someone who mattered.  It wasn't because of what I was doing in my work with the BSU, it wasn't because of my dashing good looks, it wasn't because of my filthy rich family...  It was because I was who I was.  I remembered taking this note with me & when I got back to my dorm, I placed it in my trunk where it was kept with all the other milestones I've passed through my life.

I have to say that since crossing paths with Arliss Dickerson, the way I treat people has profoundly changed.  I could have held a chip on my shoulder from my childhood & grown up bitter & resentful.  But I saw what authenticity in friendship looked like & felt how it was able to dissolve away the immaturity of childhood.  I'm sure there'll be much hoopla during the year leading up to a huge, much-publicized, retirement party for Arliss.  And I'm equally sure of the fact that it will be something that brings a certain degree of discomfort to Arliss because he never seemed like a person who relished a whole lot of attention being poured on him.  It actually was a distraction to him because he was just too busy "being Arliss".

Frankly, if I ever got the chance to become "President of the World", I know who would be my "Chief of Staff".

Law of the Jungle

When that first grader stands at the door of his classroom on the first day of school, it's as though he or she is standing at the edge of a jungle that will take 12 years to go through.  Facing it can be a challenge or an opportunity.  As the child journeys through, a choice must be made to either learn to adapt to jungle life [Tarzan] or be pursued by jungle life [tourist].

It was a jungle that I faced as a kid where I found out about the predators who lurked in the shadows & I found out about the natives who showed me how to survive.  It is in this environment that one must understand the "law of the jungle".  Frankly, every kid who begins the journey through school will encounter some anxiety along with adventure.  The thrill of adventure comes from meeting new friends, learning new things, & discovering new abilities.  the agony of anxiety comes from not knowing the way to go, overcoming a stronger opponent, & the fear of failure.

As I walked through the jungle, I could either let my anxiety overcome me or I could embrace my adventure to propel me over my challenges.  This never eliminated my challenges, but it did provide me with tools necessary to meet them head-on.  For a dozen years, I endured my trip through the education system in only one school district.  I never had to relocate to a new jungle.  What I encountered in 1st Grade would follow me right through my senior year in high school.

What I am left with my experience in the jungle is a memory of survival of the fittest.  I never desired to compete in athletics or in any other organised events.  But I did compete with my social environment that surrounded me in the jungle.  I don't know what started my impact with the jungle environment but I do know that I evolved to become the "comic relief" or the "class dunce" as I advanced to each new grade level.

I was greeted by my 6th Grade classmates
by being hung on the coat rack.

In today's culture, I would have been classified as a victim of bullying.

This really didn't matter too much to me until recently when my oldest son, who at 10 years old & in the 5th Grade at a private Christian school, began to encounter the same thing.  I simply learned to survive through my anxiety but my son was having some serious issues dealing with his.  He confessed to his Mom one evening that he had thought of hanging himself.

Now the jungle that my son went through was small potatoes compared to my jungle.  To him, however, nothing could compare.  We acted immediately by meeting with his teacher, school councillor, & the school's headmaster.  And things are now on a upward improvement.

But during my journey in the jungle, there was no awareness of the impact elements like this have on those who experience it.  It was an "every kid for himself" mentality.  Granted, 30 years ago families were more stable than they are in today's society.  There was more affirmation & love from moms & dads who kept their commitment to each other & to their families.  I am certain that is one of the advantages I had in my favour.

I was able to tell my son about the "jungle stories" from when I was his age so to assure him that he was not the only one who was going through this trial...nor would he be the last kid who was ever harassed, bullied, insulted, isolated, or prejudiced.  I told him of the countless times I was the last one picked for team games on the playground..and how the teacher would have to overrule & assign me to a team--who protested about my participation.  I also told him how my 5th Grade teacher, frustrated at my comical antics (or some other trait I was displaying) said, "...you are a disgrace to the human race!"  If a teacher said that today, they would soon become a "former" teacher.

Then there was the time I was dropped off at school early & was met at the door of my 6th Grade homeroom by a few of my classmates who decided to relieve me of my coat & books so they could tie my hands behind my back with jump rope.  Then as they led me to the coat rack in the back of the classroom, I remember hearing my teacher say (as she was looking down at her gradebook while grading papers), "Ya'll don't hurt him, now."  The next think I knew, I was being lifted up onto a metal hook on the coat rack...which snapped off within seconds, sending me plummeting into the pile of coats on the floor.

I told him of how things escalated in Jr. & Sr. High School--when I would only hang out behind the high school building after lunch because I was afraid that if I ventured to the front of the building I would be chased down & forced to sit on the "queer stump" that was by the sidewalk.  And about the time when I was one of the "featured contestants" in 7th Grade for a "marshmallow eating contest" at a "pep rally" (how this pertains to pepping up the high school team remains to be seen).  The cheerleaders called my name to "come on down" & be blindfolded in front of the 670 7th-12th Graders in the bleachers.  I was to consume as many marshmallows that were being stuffed into my mouth as I could & if I swallowed more than the other "contestants", I would win.  I didn't know until I had finished the "game" & walked back to the stands that I needed to go to the bathroom to wash my face off.  It was then that I saw in the mirror the marshmallows had all be dusted with black charcoal, which was now smeared all over my face.

Yes, my jungle had plenty of memorable moments in addition to having to face a few actual "bullies" who would make physical threats to harm me...though none ever happened.  I can at least be thankful that I never had to suffer a black eye, broken bone, or other injuries.  The effect, however, was enough to instil a constant feeling of caution...to guard my emotions or my psyche...toward any advances toward me.  I have often said that I've had so many "fair weather friends", I could easily go to work for AccuWeather.

It wasn't until my senior year that my jungle began to clear out somewhat.  I was called to the door of my World Civilisations class by my teacher who said there was someone to see me.  When I saw it was a fellow classmate who was on the school paper staff, armed with a camera, my defence shields went up.  I was asked to follow her down the hall.  When I asked where we were going, I was told that I was joining others in my class in the court yard to get photos for the school paper because in the recent survey by the senior class, I was voted "Most Civic Minded".  Needless to say, my first reaction was that it was a set-up...that there was no way my name could ever be associated with "Most..." anything unless it was something like, "Most Likely to be Weird".

Maturity & life's experiences have
made a lot of changes in people.

As I came out of my jungle & entered the mature world of college life, I met new friends there who began to introduce me to genuine friendship & acceptance.  I found that I didn't need to be the oddball to attract attention.  I could just be myself.  People I met & began to know in college soon replaced those who I knew & associated with in the 12 years of my undergraduate experiences.   Additionally, with the advent of online "social networks", those acquaintances from my elementary, Jr., & Sr. high school years have drifted back in the form of "friend requests".  It's fascinating to me, quite honestly, why I would be requested as a friend on a social network when I was so frequently--and vocally--passed over when I physically was in their presence during childhood.  I do understand that maturity & life's experiences have made a lot of changes in people...and it has in my life, too.  I certainly do not process my relationships the same way I did when I was a kid.  But it still is something that I ponder.

Ironically, 2011 will be the 30th Anniversary of my graduating class.  There's been some discussion about a reunion.  But, I think I'm going to be busy then.