Children often can be so transparent. One rarely has to dig deep below the surface of a child's mind. Their innocence & their vulerability is like the sweet glaze on top of a donut. It's very thin, sweet, and easily dissolved. They'll say things at times you not only least expect them to do so, but can say things at time that you'd prefer they not say at all. Like the story about the little boy who, when asked by his Sunday School teacher to tell the rest of the group where he thought God lived, replied, "In my bathroom". The thunderstruck teacher wanted to know where on earth the boy came up with that answer was then caught flatfooted when he told her that his dad would always stand in front of the bathroom door and scream, My God, are you still in there?!?!?"
One of my favorite things to watch on TV are the Art Linkletter/Allen Funt/Bill Cosby type where kids are shown in their purest form saying exactly what's on their minds. They say great wisdom comes with age, but I think you can learn a lot from a child, too.
In this vein, it continues to be dumbfounding to me how anyone can harm a child. How anyone could do harm to another person, for that matter, but especially to a child. A child so trusting and innocent that would be taken advantaged of in the worst possible way. Now in today's world, we must teach children how to scream & carry on to draw attention to themselves should they ever be abducted by some psycho who had persuaded the child to come with them by feigning an attempt to find their lost puppy.
Lord knows I'm no expert parent. I just try to do what I remember my parents doing with me (and whether it worked or not). And I had a good set of parents. I want to get a t-shirt made that says on the front, "I came from a dysfunctional family..." And on the back, it would read, "...my parents stayed married." I was taught about God, mankind, work, sex, reality. I had nothing candy-coated. What is, is "what is". As a family, we are now mulling over the possibility of being foster parents. However one stipulation in the program is that there can be "no physical discipline". What? Yep... no spankings, no hand-slapping, no mouth-boxing...all for disobedience or other forms of misbehavior. We must "softball" our discipline.
We don't do that with our own kids, so we'd either have to change our discipline behavior with everyone or we would have to cause a division between our kids & our foster kids on how we deal with behavior. I'm not sure I like either option. I do spank my kids when they disobey and I even "box their ears down" when they mouth off to me or Mommy. I don't "beat" them, of course, but I have no reservations in "applying the board of education to the seat of learning"...if you know what I mean.
I have two small children, with the oldest just starting kindergarten this fall. The younger is 18 months apart from the oldest. And, true to form, they both are very transparent in what they say or how they react. Many times as I sit at the computer, sit in church, or be somewhere I'm easily accessable to my boys, one of them will occasionally walk up to me & pucker their lips for a quick "peck". My youngest will often sit in my lap at church where he'll reach up & kiss my cheek & I will reciprocate. And this exchange of "butterfly kisses" will be repeated several times.
However one trait that is prevalent is when (usually) my oldest will speak up or come to me & say, "Dad...?" To which I'll reply with, "Yes...?"
"Um. . . " And his gaze will drift upward & you think he's forgotten what it was he wanted to say, before he will continue.
"I like you."
Now this may sound odd to you because one would expect your child to say, "I love you" before saying, "I like you", right? Actually, I think it would be more like stating the obvious if my son did that. You see, in a home that has both firm discipline with love & acceptance one would expect their children to feel "loved". It sort of "comes with the territory".
But to say "I like you" speaks differently. I remember my uncle years ago when he became very angry at my ornery cousin & punished him for his behavior. He snapped to him & said, "I love you, John, but right now I don't like you very much." I thought, "Wow! That is hardcore!" But it was a truthful, authentic expression.
Likewise, when my children say to me, "I like you", I believe they are saying it out of love and it speaks volumes. I think it reveals their contentment, confidence, and their comfort in their relationship with me. I believe every good parent likes to love their children. However, how many have loved to like them?
7.31.2005
7.17.2005
Taking Your Shots
There's little that occurrs with me anymore that involves my kids that prevents a lump from forming in my throat. Watching two babies who were barely able to keep their own eyes open grow up into two distinct individuals has its "keeper" moments. Like some that happened over the past year as my oldest son acheived the milestone of 5 years old. He turned 5 as he & his younger brother of 18 months were camping with me at a church-sponsored weekend event. I'm not much of camping solo, but love doing it when in the company of others. And I can think of camping with no one else than those who worship with me each week. My children have been taught & blessed by those in my church & the influence that has been passed on to my children from those in my church have been invaluable.
We awoke on the morning before my son's birthday to find our tend wrapped in blue crepe paper ribbon & a little bag of goodies sitting by the door of our tent. This thrilled my oldest to no end to know that someone other than his own family recognized that he was about to celebrate a birthday. That caused a lump. Hearing my son go from one person to the next at breakfast the next day on our camping trip to ask each person in our church, "Do you know how old I am?" and to hear them respond by faking an incorrect guess caused a lump, too.
This past week, we had to go to the doctor for our physical in order for him to be enrolled in kindergarten. I told him he had to have an "inspection". That seemend to do the trick & keep his mind off the fact he was going to the doctor...and he wasn't even sick. He did real well, too. He cooperated with the nurse when it came time for his eye & ears test. He knew right where to stand on the scale when he was weighed. And he knew what to do when they measured his height along the wall scale. He blabbered the whole time telling the nurse all about his camping experience and that he was now "five" and had received some "cool" presents. We had a private party where he opened all his gifts once we had arrived home from the camping trip & had all had a bath. He got lots of Spiderman goodies which he had to tell everyone he met of his windfall.
Once inside the examination room, he continued to talk all about what he knew was going to happen. He was going to have his "inspection" (a term that appeared to take the nurse aback since I'm sure that term has not been used much for giving someone a physical exam) and he would not cry when he had to get his shots. Keep in mind this boy has a low tolerance for any pain whatsoever. He cannot resist shedding tears when he bumps his elbow. Needless to say, when he got his three shots in the arm, he sqalled like a baby. Yeah, I got a lump then, too. But when he understood that he would be getting a Dilly Bar at Dariy Queen, the tears did not last as long as they used to.
Being a father for 5 years continues to cause me to be baffled more & more at how any anyone could come remotely close to causing harm to a child. It was torture to watch the nurse poke a sharp needle into the arm of my son, and I cannot imagine how anyone could knowingly and deliberately do bodily harm to or worse yet, emotional harm to, a child.
We recently took our boys to the Pittsburgh Children's Museum. In there was the exhibit of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. Knowing what I know about the late Fred Rogers, it brought many lumps into my throat listening to the music Rogers had wrote & sang on his PBS TV show and knowing just how much he treasured each little child he entertained on his show. He took so many shots at those who ran his show down or who even ran him down. Yet, he took it all in stride & it impacted the lives of many children all over this nation and this world. Including me.
There will be many things in life that will be taking shots at you in life. Some will be as painfull as a 5 year old sitting through 3 vaccinations in the arm. Yet, all of them...though painful... will act to defend you and protect you from the hostile influences that will infect your life later down the road.
We awoke on the morning before my son's birthday to find our tend wrapped in blue crepe paper ribbon & a little bag of goodies sitting by the door of our tent. This thrilled my oldest to no end to know that someone other than his own family recognized that he was about to celebrate a birthday. That caused a lump. Hearing my son go from one person to the next at breakfast the next day on our camping trip to ask each person in our church, "Do you know how old I am?" and to hear them respond by faking an incorrect guess caused a lump, too.
This past week, we had to go to the doctor for our physical in order for him to be enrolled in kindergarten. I told him he had to have an "inspection". That seemend to do the trick & keep his mind off the fact he was going to the doctor...and he wasn't even sick. He did real well, too. He cooperated with the nurse when it came time for his eye & ears test. He knew right where to stand on the scale when he was weighed. And he knew what to do when they measured his height along the wall scale. He blabbered the whole time telling the nurse all about his camping experience and that he was now "five" and had received some "cool" presents. We had a private party where he opened all his gifts once we had arrived home from the camping trip & had all had a bath. He got lots of Spiderman goodies which he had to tell everyone he met of his windfall.
Once inside the examination room, he continued to talk all about what he knew was going to happen. He was going to have his "inspection" (a term that appeared to take the nurse aback since I'm sure that term has not been used much for giving someone a physical exam) and he would not cry when he had to get his shots. Keep in mind this boy has a low tolerance for any pain whatsoever. He cannot resist shedding tears when he bumps his elbow. Needless to say, when he got his three shots in the arm, he sqalled like a baby. Yeah, I got a lump then, too. But when he understood that he would be getting a Dilly Bar at Dariy Queen, the tears did not last as long as they used to.
Being a father for 5 years continues to cause me to be baffled more & more at how any anyone could come remotely close to causing harm to a child. It was torture to watch the nurse poke a sharp needle into the arm of my son, and I cannot imagine how anyone could knowingly and deliberately do bodily harm to or worse yet, emotional harm to, a child.
We recently took our boys to the Pittsburgh Children's Museum. In there was the exhibit of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. Knowing what I know about the late Fred Rogers, it brought many lumps into my throat listening to the music Rogers had wrote & sang on his PBS TV show and knowing just how much he treasured each little child he entertained on his show. He took so many shots at those who ran his show down or who even ran him down. Yet, he took it all in stride & it impacted the lives of many children all over this nation and this world. Including me.
There will be many things in life that will be taking shots at you in life. Some will be as painfull as a 5 year old sitting through 3 vaccinations in the arm. Yet, all of them...though painful... will act to defend you and protect you from the hostile influences that will infect your life later down the road.
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