Bullheaded Leslie

My mom used that term a lot. My dad was one, his dad was one, & my dad's dad was one. All that bullheadedness got passed on to me. And I wear that mantel proudly. I gladly passed on those bullheaded genes to my 2 sons, too. And I want them to use it.

There's advantages to being bullheaded. For me, I never had to worry about peer pressure. I just wasn't going to go along with the crowd if I didn't want to. No one ever succeeded in getting past my bullheadedness to entice me to try drugs or sample alcohol. When I did eventually sample some wine coolers, I did it on my terms & kept my consumption regulated the way I wanted it. I never had a desire to move past wine (never had developed a taste for malt beverages) into hard liquor. And the only drug I ever take is either Sudafed or Chlor-Trimeton.

I'm bullheaded when it comes to what my faith is, too. I don't dislike other faiths nor do I think they are wrong. They are wrong for me, but maybe not for someone else. I also recognize that outside my own Southern Baptist faith, there are also people of other faiths who are wonderful, loving people. And I am proud - if not even cherishing - these folks who are in my life.

My brother-in-law is a practicing Catholic. I have as much in common with the Catholic faith as I would with chemical engineer. I find a smidgen of similarity between how I relate to God or how I interpret Scripture & how Catholics do. But I do not disparage nor look down on my brother-in-law for his beliefs, irregardless of how irrelevant they are to me.

While my family are members of a Southern Baptist church, my wife works for a United Church of Christ (UCC) church as their musician/choir director. I've been asked to teach SundaySchool there, be an usher there, & have been served Communion there. All of which I have graciously refused. Not because I want to be anti-social, but because I am bullheaded to the point that I am not a member there & I do not align my faith with theirs. I'm not trying to be unfriendly but consistent to my own church & faith.

Now here recently, we've sailed into some turbulent waters with the spiking economy, job uncertaincies, & the task of bringing up a family in the middle of it. My family have been scrapping & saving for over 36 months to pay for a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Walt Disney World (mainly for the sake of the boys). But since our committment to this began 2 1/2 years ago, our financial outlook has changed with the slumping economy & our stagnant paychecks. We've struggled as to what to do, all while looking longingly at that nest egg we've dubbed "the Disney money".

And throughout all of this, there have been some precious souls in the UCC church who have made "contributions" to the boys to help them "save for Disney" by giving them a couple of bucks here & there...sometimes slipping a $20 in a birthday card...or dropping a $50 into my wife's purse when she wasn't looking. But when things got a little uncertain at my job with the whole insurance issue & late paychecks, we obviously began asking for prayer.

That's when we started getting anonymous envelopes with $150 and the like. In fact, one elderly lady in the choir at the UCC church choir wanted my wife to assure her that the boys would, indeed, be given their promise of going to Disney World this year. And to help fulfill that promise, she would plop down $500 to pay for the gas to get there. I've been given cash, tucked inside a handshake, by some in the men's fellowship at the church where my family are members. All of this kind of runs against my bullheadedness.

See, I feel like I owe something to these who have been so generous. Especially to the ones at the UCC church. Yet I cannot allow my feelings override my reason. I don't go to a church because there are people there who feel led to help us along -- financially or otherwise. However, juxtapositioned to this fact, I can say I have as much love & respect for those in the UCC church as I would someone in the church where my membership resides. It's a fine line to have to walk, & heaven forbid it would cause offense. But I have to look beyond a faith made up of feelings & follow a faith made up of facts.

The fact is, while there are loads of beautiful souls that attend the UCC church, my loyalty does not reside there. My convictions do not mirror theirs. My faith is not practiced in the same way that their faith is practiced. But I would drop everything to help them if they needed it. At the same time, there are precious souls who are in "my church" who invest their time & their love by pouring themselves into the lives in my family.

Being bullheaded is not a bad thing...necessarily. It's actually the rudder in a sea of uncertainty.

5th Grade Games

I had quite the interesting casual chat with the man who owns the radio station where I'm employed. He's like talking to your grandpa who has a wealth of knowledge about everything in general, but not much on specifics. Basically, it's like trying to keep your eye on the ball of an aggressive game of handball.

The change of topics came as frequently as I took in each breath but one stuck in my craw. He asked if everything was okay with the company's insurance coverage. See, his wife (who actually holds the purse strings to the radio station) let it be known at a recent sales meeting that she intended to drop health coverage because of low sales & the tepid income the station was getting. Plus, she threatened to flip all of the 3 stations to a satellite music format & cut everyone's salary by 10%...and possibly include some lay-offs. Well, word of this certainly started spreading like wildfire to every staff member.

The next day, everyone got a form to sign with 3 options on the future of health care coverage. We could choose to have "no coverage" (and find our own health care plan), have a "conversion" (where we would keep our current plan, but we would deal with the insurance company directly instead of through our group plan...simlar to a COBRA), or "continue" with the group plan but have our premium deducted from our paycheck (to the tune of $166 per pay for me).

All but 2 chose "no coverage". The other 2 chose to continue the group plan with paycheck deductions for the cost of the premium. But there was one problem: The group plan would not be availible unless everyone continued. So, this presented a problem for the 2 staff members as well as for the station's owners.

This was what prompted my boss to ask for my feedback on the company's insurance situation. What he said next was the "kicker". When I told him we could not afford to have the premiums deducted from my paycheck, he told me I shouldn't "worry about the health care. We were just trying to get sales back up".

Huh?

So, you're playing little 5th Grade schoolyard games with my benefits, using it as a "bully stick" to wave at the sales staff? Where do some of these "bozos" get their management training? From a Cracker Jack box?

Needless to say, this did not convince me to change my mind on dropping the company's group plan. And it almost guaranteed that some staff members would be soon choosing another company to work for. And some have already been offered positions at a new job.

It would seem so simple to know how to properly manage, empower, & motivate a company's staff. A Dale Carnagie course, an Earl Nightingale book, a Dan O'Day seminar.... But instead, some choose the more childish route & think that this will inspire their employees to do better. What they end up with, however, is one very large hole in thier foot.

Report Cards

As a kid, I had such anxiety when report card day approached. It gave me twinges in my gut because I always had a feeling something would be terribly wrong. Usually, for me, it was in the "deportment" category... And when I'd get that card & find the teacher had written a "D" or an "F" in something, I knew that meant more grief when Mom & Dad saw it.

As a parent, I still get a bit twingy when report cards are sent home with my 2 sons. Except this time I don't have the anxiety... Instead, I get all weepy-eyed. When I see the progress they make & then read the comments from the teacher, it's hard to keep the lump down in my throat.

And especially as I go over each grade individually with each son, I have to put forth a lot of effort to keep my voice from cracking as I explain to them what the "adult terms" on their 2-3 page report card mean. Especially when they are given exceptional marks for things like "Exhibits Kindness" or "Looks out for others' needs".

There are areas where my boys need improvement (like their dad did), such as in "Handwriting", "Math", or in "Follows directions". But what really makes me swell up with joy overflowing is when they get the top grade for areas like politeness, generosity, sportsmanship, sharing, seeks the best in others, grateful attitude, truthfullness, respcts others, & the like. You may not be the best speller, but if you are respected by others & treat others with respect, that is what matters.

The longest-serving host of Meet The Press, the longest-running news program in the history of television, Tim Russert, died yesterday (2 days before Fathers Day). As I watched all of the news coverage of this man's legacy as a broadcaster, a father, & an individual, my oldest son was questioning what was happening. Again, fighting back emotions as I thought of his report card he got in the mail yesterday, I explained that this man had a reputation that was good -- honest, admirable, envied, and respected. And this is how everyone felt about him because of not how smart he was (even though he did have a law degree), but because of the way he treated others.

To not just know all the answers but to know good character. That is the essence of the report card that life hands you.

In Good Company

Since becoming involved in my new church, this has helped to bring some distraction to what is going on around me. I've been asked to more or less be the web administrator for the church's website & I've also started helping edit & compile a weekly prayer list that is emailed to members. But I've also seen how the people there have taken an active interest in my life & the concerns of my family. They have all reached out in some way or another. Just this past Saturday, at the church's monthly Men's Breakfast - as I greeted one of the guys - I felt crumpled paper pressed inside my palm as I shook the guy's hand. He had passed on a $20 bill saying how he felt led to bless us with some financial support.

Now I've been given money by concerned friends before, so this didn't really shake me up. I was certainly more than grateful for the surprise. What really made an impact was when he went on to say (as his voice quivered with emotion) how when he considered the distance I live from the church (27 miles) & our current situation (with our increasing expenses & static income) how much it blessed him to see me at events like the men's breakfast -- even while I faced the trials that has been going on recently in my life.

I'm an encourager by nature. I can never grow tired of encouraging another person in matters of the spiritual or emotional or whatever. So when I saw the impact of how my presence encouraged this fellow Believer, that was what really caused the twinge in my gut as he went on to share a little of his life story how God brought him through a tight financial situation he & his family faced.

But others have, too, freely given their encouragement to me as I wade through the slime of uncertainty. I've gotten dozens of emails, messages on my Facebook page, & other comments that have given me a good reminder that God still has things under control.

Picking up the boys, after their last day of school, from another parent's home (who volunteered to keep our kids until I got off work to save us from having to pay for daycare), I told the mom (who is a very vocal & passionate Assembly of God Believer) about our current situation as we followed the kids (hers & mine) across an open field so that they could have a quick float down Spring Creek before I took my boys home. Suddenly about half-way across this football field-sized meadow (surrounded by houses), she thrusts out her arm & grabs my shoulder & says, "Let's just pray right now!" So, as we walked along, she began praying loud enough for not only God but all of the neighbors to hear.

Feeling about as anxious as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, I just walked along & tried to look spiritual.

God love her. I know she really means well. And it did bless me that she felt so spontaneous. I guess sometimes, God chooses to shine upon us even if it does look conspicuous.

It's so good to know I'm in such good company.

Irresponsibility

I drove to work today not knowing if I would find my paycheck that was supposed to have been in my box before I left from work yesterday - payday. All I could think of was the words echoed from my Personnel professor in college that said if I was in a position of paying employees at a company I own, I should not expect a "thank you" from them when they get paid. They worked for me for 2 weeks (or more) without pay & they deserve getting their payroll check. AND, if for some reason, I could not meet my payroll, I should be responsible & first TELL my employees what was going on, then promise to compensate them for using their rightfully earned money for each day the checks were late. That meant paying compounded interest on their paychecks for each day I could not provide compensation.

Not so at my job.

Not only did I not get my paycheck by the time promised by my employer, but I got NOT ONE WORD as to what the status was about my pay, WHY it was that I was not going to get my pay, and WHEN I could expect to eventually get it.

I actually deliberated whether or not to even bother to get out of bed this morning at 3:30am. I have never given my employers anything to worry about when it comes to wondering if they will have anyone to show up to do a radio show. And I am not going to wonder if I will get paid on time or not. Therefore, why should I continue to give my employer such peace of mind? I sure don't have it.

I think this bitter pill would be easier to swallow if - at the very least - my employer would bite the bullet & approach me honestly & authentically to tell me the facts: That it is going to be a stretch at trying to meet payroll...and would I please bear with them. You would be amazed at the how far a little transparency goes with me.

What they have done, instead (by their silence & irresponsibility) is create an environment of bitterness, distrust, & they have under-minded employee loyalty. Something my college prof said I should expect from my employees if I ever betrayed their trust.