Gabriel

There is always something that reminds me that we live in a fallen world.

My kids are enrolled in a Christian school because my wife & I would prefer that they be taught with Biblical values along with the understanding of today's culture.  It's not a Christian school that tries to shelter kids from the reality of life, but teaches kids how to deal with the reality of life.

That reality came alive this year when Gabriel entered into my oldest son's life.  Most kids at the school come from Christian families who seemingly have all their lives wrapped up in a pretty Christmas box with a red bow on top.  Gabriel, on the other hand, comes from a family where his parents have been in & out of incarceration.  His father is out west & his mom is back East--neither having a desire to see their son...much less have any involvement with his 9 year old life.  He, instead, spends his time with his mother's parents...not even having his own bedroom.

Gabriel (in the striped shirt) with Cameron & his friends.

Gabriel has had behavioral issues at school from calling other students (like my son) unkind names (like "idiot") to slapping/hitting other students (of which my son has also experienced).  He's had several warnings & visits to the office.  Last Friday, he was suspended for the day, which included his being unable to participate in the annual school Christmas program.  Remember, Gabriel is in 4th Grade.

Once, after an incident involving my son, a school administrator took Gabriel aside to talk to him about why he was acting the way he was.  The school official asked particularly why he was calling my son an "idiot".  He replied because "[he] has a dad & I don't".  When we told our son about this, he sobbed & exclaimed, "It's not FAIR!"

How's that for a reality check?

We decided to look this one-eyed monster in the face.  We've invited Gabriel to have a sleepover & spend a couple of days with us.  My oldest son actually made the initial move to ask if he could have Gabriel over.  We're going to make a trip to the annual The Miracle of Christmas production at Sight & Sound Theatre in Lancaster, PA.  Then the boys & I will get up early Saturday morning to go to our church's mens prayer breakfast before coming back home & do some sledding down our hilly front yard.  We found out that Gabriel really has no one to play with where he lives at his Grandparent's house.

We also told our son that he's welcome--if the subject came up--to "volunteer" us to be Gabriel's "adopted" family (and to "volunteer" me to be his "adopted" dad), if he wants.

In talking with Gabriel's grandmother as we set up his sleepover, we found out he also has a bedwetting issue.  No surprise considering the drama going on in his life.  So we certainly have our work cut out for us.  But this is what God commands us to do...  Even though Gabriel is getting some Godly direction at a Christian school, it doesn't stop there.  It takes involvement.  It takes living outside the box.  It takes risk.  And it may even cost something.

There are plenty other "Gabriels" that we may not even know or recognize...some that actually attend our churches or go to our schools.  Some may be in our own family.

It was the angel Gabriel who announced the Good News to the shepherds which we celebrate each Christmas season.  Will we be the ones to show the fruits of that "Good News" to all of the other "Gabriels" in this world?

In Perspective

I had a really great time taking my boys to our family's 49th annual Leslie Reunion in Arkansas this past Thanksgiving.  And we made it the whole 3,047 miles with no trouble at all in a car that rolled past 150,000 miles!  However as we were on our last "leg" of the trip, I began to hear sounds that told me some extensive break/rotor work was in store.

We got home & sure enough, the sounds got more noticeable to the point that I realized I could not go another day without getting this looked at unless I wanted to have some major automotive work done.  After hanging around the State College Firestone from 1:30-5:45pm on the last day of the month...a day that everyone was trying to get in for their last minute state inspections...I found out what I already knew.  I would need a brake/rotor replacement...to the tune of over $300.  That was the least they recommended.  I also need a brake flush & front-end allignment ($68 each) & some tires.

The good news:  Well, I did get in for repairs on a crazy day like it was, I used a $50 off ad & got another $20 off that because we qualified for a Firestone credit card (Oh, joy...another one).  But that got us 90 days of interest-free credit (so we could spread our payments out at just $90 over the 3 months...provided we could come up with the $90 somewhere).  So we made out with owing only $266.

But how many cars can one say they've been able to drive on an 8-day, 3,000+ mile road trip that has over 100,000 miles...with no transmission trouble, electrical trouble, engine trouble, alternator trouble....etc.?  And what price do you put on being able to reconnect with the only family you have that just happens to live over 1,500 miles away from you...and pass on a family tradition to your children?

I guess your answer depends on your perspective.

IDon'tWannaGoToJail, IDon'tWannaGoToJail!

It was a nice birthday treat out with the wife & kids, stuffing ourselves at the Texas Roadhouse. But it ended with a little doggie being rounded up for cattle rustlin'.

This is the hard part of parenting.

After dinner, stuffed with catfish, burgers, steak, & hot dogs, we made a trip to the local supermarket for some essentials & to pick up a few other items at the candy section. My youngest, Daniel, has a severe weakness for candy. He could live on candy. He has visions of sugarplums in his head every night...not just the night before Christmas.

We were picking through a heaping mound of loose "trial sized" candy bars for a project & kept fending off requests from both kids for candy. The boys have had more candy over the past week than they've had in weeks. And Mommy had decided they had "candied enough". We got what we needed & checked out, then headed for home.

We drove the 15 miles back to our house, turned into our development, & my wife realized she'd not heard a peep from Daniel. She was afraid he had fallen asleep on the ride home, like he's done in so many prior trips to town. She looks back in her rear-view mirror & asks if Daniel's okay...if he's awake. We hear a feeble, "yes. ...~sniff!~" Mommy asks what was wrong & was answered by a "You're gonna get mad at meeeeeeee!" that was splurted out by our little 2nd Grader.

So here we are 1/2 mile from our house wondering what the meltdown was about. Caving in from guilt, Daniel fessed up he had eaten candy he had lifted from that tempting mound at the supermarket. My wife looked as if she had heard him confess to an armed robbery. She stopped the car dead in the road, looked back at the criminal, & asked, "You, what??"

Daniel's older brother, Cameron, & I were then deposited onto our driveway when we arrived at our house whereupon "Sheriff Mommy, The Bounty Hunter" promptly put the "patrol car" in reverse to return the 7-year old felon back to the store to face the music. I last saw this trembling offender, looking pale as a sheet, saying over & over, "IDon'tWannaGoToJail, IDon'tWannaGoToJail, IDon'tWannaGoToJail!!" Sheriff Mommy had a twinkle in her eye as she drove off.

Meanwhile, as I walked upstairs with Cameron, he was appearing more & more anxious & finally asked, "Is Daniel going to 'juvie'?" I responded, "I don't know, Cameron. We've never had any of our kids do something like this." We got inside the house & he went straight to his room, buried his head in his comforter, & squawlled like a little girl.

Meanwhile, Sheriff Mommy on her way back to the supermarket, kept hearing her prisoner say, "IDon'tWannaGoToJail, IDon'tWannaGoToJail!" & the closer to the store they got, the more he began to make sounds like he was hyperventilating. At one point, he asked, "Am I going to have to go before The Judge?" Mommy couldn't say. He would just have to find out. Then the guilty robber began blubbering, "I can't do this, I can't do this, Mommy!" He was told, he should've thought of this before he kifed the candy.

Once at the store, Daniel was marched in & a manager was located. The culprit was taken to a back room. Sheriff Mommy made him spill the beans...er, I mean candy...to the store manager. Daniel bawled that he "couldn't help it because I like candy!!!!!" The manager, who was totally wonderful through the interrogation, explained to Daniel how that when items are stolen from a store, ultimately others must pay the price of this because the store has to raise the prices of their items to pay for the stolen ones. And this hurts their customers who don't have a lot of money to buy food. He was also told that the store has cameras that can see what goes on ...and others who have stolen items have been taken out in handcuffs.

After a near-death experience with The Law, Sheriff Mommy paid his bail (a total of 15 cents for the "hot" candy) & Daniel was let off with a warning.

When they arrived home, Cameron heard the garage door go up & he made a bee-line from his bedroom all the way across the house to the basement door (without even looking in the direction of his dad, who was standing only 9 feet away). He got to Sheriff Mommy's patrol car & swayed his head back & forth, trying to look for his brother, the outlaw. They were reunited & both learned a huge lesson.

As I tucked our paroled thief into bed & had him say his prayers, I asked if he was happy to go to sleep in his bed instead of the one at the jail. I got an emphatic "yes". I'm pretty sure, this will be a brush with the law that he will not soon forget.

And neither will Mommy or Daddy.

Or big brother, Cameron.

However, if it were I who was the arresting officer in this situation, I would've made a quick side trip to the Centre County Correctional Facility, that sits not more than 4 miles from our house, & tell my suspect in the back seat I may have to go inside to arrange for them to take in a new inmate. But Mommy didn't do that because she's a softie.

Identifying With a Bad Day

It's uncanny how similar my own personality is with my oldest son's. On many occasion I can see my early developing persona being lived out before my eyes. On one such occasion was this past Friday. As was the case over the past several years, I heard the bus pull up, the kids get off & the usual chatter coming up the steps into the house. Except this time I was hearing sobs.

I, meanwhile was "indisposed" & listened through the walls as what apparently was Cameron walking through the house as he "boo-hoo'd". My thought was that he either injured himself or something was said on the bus or by some kids outside as he got off the bus that upset him. Regardless of this he, & his brother, were supposed to be going through their "routine" of hanging up their backpacks, making their beds, & doing their other chores. A routine I had to physically supervise repeatedly 5 days a week, 9 months a year, for the past 4 years. And it was getting old.

When I confronted Cameron, his face was soiled with tears, contorted & red from his crying. He blurted out to me that he'll "never" get his Schoolastic books again. After conducting a brief investigation into what he was talking about, I discovered his very strict, old-fashioned 4th Grade teacher at Nittany Christian handed out those popular Schoolastic Book orders (I couldn't wait to get mine when I was in elementary school in Booneville, AR either), but told the kids they could not open their order "bag" until they got on the bus. It seems a lot would tear into their book order & not get the rest of their classwork done. Cameron, so wrapped up at the anticipation of getting to dive into his new books, left--again for the 2nd time--his homework folder & his assignment book at the school. This after having to sit out recess on the bench for doing the same thing the day before.

However, using surprisingly good self-control, he did obediently wait until he got on the bus to open his bag--only to find the teacher mixed up the bags & he got another student's order. Now, to him, this meant that his order went to another student who would probably toss his book order out the door into the trash & he'd never see it again. This realization deteriorated into a complete shut-down of his mental faculties & caused him to also leave his lunch bag on the bus for the weekend.

So now we have no homework, no assignment book, no lunch bag, & no Schoolastic Books...and Cameron was having a catatonic meltdown over it. He couldn't even get control enough to focus on getting his chores done either, which was lighting my fuse. This is a kid who gets side-tracked at the drop of a hat--which was exactly my problem at his age--and since this is an issue that's "close to home" with me, is an issue that I have little patience for. So, I erupt with a lecture on responsibility & dealing with disappointment, while demanding him to pull himself together & take care of his responsibilities at home.

After 10 minutes, he's still sitting on his unmade bed, in his bedroom that's strewn full of dirty clothes, toys, & books over the floor. I hit the roof & condemned him to his room for the weekend & he was to put his nose in the book he was reading so he could have it done in time to do his report on it at the end of the next week. No play, no toys, no TV, no this, no that. Just reading. I fully intended to use this weekend that Mommy would be away at a church women's retreat as one that I would teach him a lesson. He would stay in that room only coming out long enough to pee, poop, & eat.

I stormed back into the den to look over the homework papers my youngest son had brought home for review & began to think about how I would let one event unravel everything else that would happen in a day. I also thought about how smart Cameron is in that he really doesn't have to do much studying because he has a memory like a steel trap & has constantly come home with grades that were over the top. He even has scored so high that he now attends an "enrichment" class for gifted students. But it still gnawed at me that in spite of this kid's amazing academic ability, he would flunk on something as mundane as forgetting to turn in homework on time.

Once the storm blew through & things began to calm down a bit, and Cameron had spend a good 15 minutes silently reading in his room, all wrapped up in his comforter, it was as if the voice of God whispered in my ear, "Go sit with him. Don't do or say anything else. Just go sit with him on his bed while he reads."

After mulling over this suggestion, I walked into his room & asked him if he was feeling better. Looking up from his book he replied, "A little. I was just sad because you were yelling at me..." I sat down with him in his bed & he snuggled under my arm as he continued reading. After a few minutes he asked, "What are you doing?" "Sitting with you while you read," I replied. Then he continued to read on to himself. Several more minutes passed & he asked, "Dad, what is a 'lunch-ee-on'?" He had hit a word in his book he didn't understand. "That's 'luncheon'...it's like a fancy lunch," I said.

And this continued for the next several minutes, his occasional question on a word, & my answer, then silence. Finally I looked at my watch & he asked if he could go outside to play. I thought to myself, "oh, what the heck...we've all had a bad day" & replied to him, "Sure. You've read enough for today."

Shall We Gather At The River

It was a small, humble gathering along the banks of the West Branch of the Susquehanna River in Lock Haven where folks from our church, Big Woods Bible Church, gathered. There we witnessed the baptism of Daniel, my youngest son, who had made the choice a few weeks earlier of receiving Christ into his heart. At first, Daniel just wanted to be baptized because he had seen so many of his friends be baptized as well as his older brother, Cameron, who made a similar decision when attending kindergarten. I have been somewhat hesitant with Daniel because I know his cognitive understanding of things eternal is not as sharp as Cameron's.

I didn't want our Pastor to baptize Mario or SpongeBob. Daniel has quite an imagination. Instead, I wanted Daniel to fully understand why he was being baptized. Nevertheless, Daniel took it upon himself to approach our Pastor one afternoon following a church baptism to say that he wanted to be baptized, too. The Pastor assured that he would as soon as he had the chance to come over to the house to talk with him & me.

Daniel promptly informed me of this exchange of information & to let me know that "Pastor Ted" was coming to see us.

When we all sat down, Daniel, Pastor, & I, we began inquiring exactly what Daniel wanted. Daniel told us he had prayed to God a few months earlier. Pastor asked him what he told God. Daniel replied confidently, "I want to get baptized."

So we went through a simple presentation of what it meant to follow Jesus, as I tried to bring the salvation message to his understanding level. I said to follow God, he needs to promise God that he would try his best to live his life in a way that he would not "hurt God's feelings" by his actions...or by disobeying God. Baptism is a symbolic ritual that tells all those who witness it, that he has made a promise to God.....and if he did not actually make that promise to God, he would essentially not be telling the truth if he went through with baptism.

Daniel understood what this meant & agreed to pray with us to ask God to forgive him of wanting to act his own way instead of the way God wanted...and promised God that he would, indeed, try as hard as he could to please God with his actions so he would not hurt His feelings. There were a few tears as he understood the impact of the words he was saying to God. And after praying, he blubbered out, "But I still get in trouble in school!!" We both assured him that times like that will still happen, but now he has God's Spirit living in his heart now & he has help in being able to know the right way to please God.

Now, during a summer that has been unusually wet & cool, Daniel stood before some of his friends from his church & his family as Pastor Ted relayed how Daniel made the decision to follow Christ...and to be baptized. We weren't sure the event would happen because the rain had risen the river level & had made things a bit soft along the river bank. But we were able to scrape together a change of dry clothes, a towel, & a photographer (thanks to our fellow "Big Woodser", Traci Fotorny) & celebrate Daniel's decision to join a family far bigger than his own.

Oh, It's 2009 Already?

Wow, how time flies when you're distracted.  Yeah, new year...new stuff.  Good grief.  I can't believe a full quarter of the year has passed before I've left an imprint here.  Well, I've been preoccupied with kids, work, church, & Facebook.  I must say, Facebook has become my superhighway to staying in touch with folks.

A recent survey found that social networks have passed up email as the primary method of online communication.  I used to have a free account with places like Alumni.com (later Reunion.com...now MyLife.com) & Classmates.com.  But most all wanted me to pay for the ability to interact more with my former schoolmates.  Enter Facebook.  In a single year, my friends list mushroomed by 100+ as old friends (and I do not use this term loosely) reconnected....and it didn't cost me a dime.  So pardon my distraction.

At the same time I was getting some of these friend requests, my mind was faced with a quandary.  Why on earth did some of these folks decide to suddenly inquire about me?  I never seemed to strike up much of an interest with them when I was in high school.  Oh, sure.  I know there is so much drama in the juvenile world.  There is now, there was then.  But nevertheless my experience in my high school life wasn't all that stellar.  It was pretty blah.

Familiarity breeds contempt & by the time I had lived through a dozen years in my local public school system, there was plenty of contempt to go around.  I was not athletic (although you could say I was a great "athletic supporter") so I didn't fit in with the "jocks".  I wasn't talented enough to play an instrument, so I wasn't in the band.  I didn't get straight A's (or many B's either, actually) so I wasn't in with the school's Brain Trust.  So, that pretty much left me in the invisible crowd...not really paid much of mind to.

Add that to the frequent "butt of jokes", & what you have is a total disinterest in my high school life.  A lot of this started with my 7th Grade exposure to the school body.  At a pep rally...where all students (7th-12th Grades) were assembled in the local armory.  There, a "marshmallow eating contest" (or so they called it) to see who could consume the most amount of jumbo marshmallows that would be stuffed into one's mouth by the school cheerleaders (i.e. the snooty girls).

Well, what do you know?  Little ol' me was picked as one of the contestants to join the other half-dozen slouches to sit cross-legged on the floor in front of some 670 students.  We were blindfolded by our cheerleader then at the signal, I felt handfuls of marshmallows mashed into my face & I began trying to swallow as many as I could--all in the name of "school spirit".  The crowd was roaring with cheers, jeers, & laughs....  When it was over, & a "winner" was declared, we all had our blindfolds removed & were allowed to return to the bleachers.

I was met (along with the others who were called down) by kids laughing themselves silly, pointing at me & saying I needed to get to the bathroom to wash my face.  Somewhat confused, I made my way to the boys' room where, lo & behold, there I stood...my face blackened by powered charcoal...which had covered those jumbo marshmallows.  I looked like I had licked the fireplace completely clean.

All in the name of "school spirit".

As I said...such was par for the course.

After graduation, I departed for college--about 4 1/2 hours from my hometown.  It was there my social experience "matured" significantly.  And it was over those next 4 years I actually established friendships that would go on to last to this day...friendships that overshadowed those from the high school daze.

So, this is why it struck me as odd that now--some 30 years later on Facebook--that I'm suddenly getting requests from folks who went to high school with me.  What do I have in common with them?  With the huge gap in time between then & now, what has changed to the point that now I'm a person of interest?  In some regards, those same old feelings started to rise to the surface that I had while back in high school.  And in some way, I was faced with feelings of "why bother"?  There wasn't much there in regards to having any connection in high school....and so there was little to start anything further.  I felt like a tortise who was wasn't sure it was worth coming out of his shell.

So I decided, "what the heck?"  Let's see what happens.  It's a new century.  Maybe since "familiarity breeds contempt", then, "absence makes the heart grow fonder."