Is it any wonder why on Father's Day that the phone companies say they have a record number of collect calls to dads all over the world? I think it's primarily due to the fact that we have a lot of schmucks who are trying to be fathers. Why, you ask, do I feel this way? Because I see the kinds of examples found in the dad of today's culture. There are an increasingly amount of headlines where dads are beating their infant children, abandoning their familes, or generally abusing their position as head of the household. I was in a convenience store recently where I asked the girl who waited on me what she was doing for Father's Day. She replied with little emotion that she really had no relationship with her dad & that they both were not speaking to one another. This, sadly, is the reply a lot of children are giving in terms of how they relate to their dads. So, that's why no one should be surprised at the number of collect phone calls that dads across the country will be getting today...if they even get any calls from their kids at all.
My dad died in 2003 from complications of Alzheimer's Disease. Even though I do not have a dad with whom to celebrate Father's Day, I have no regrets because my dad was not a schmuck. My dad grew up very poor in southwest Arkansas on a cotton farm, one of 5 children. He had 1 older brother & 2 younger brothers along with a sister. He did not complete high school but instead, like my mom, contracted the dreaded disease known as the "white plague" or tuberculosis while he was a teenager. He caught TB from his father who eventually died from the disease. My dad had a relapse of TB while being treated at the Arkansas State TB Sanitorium in Booneville before being released. It was there he met my mom, married, & began an accounting firm that he owned for 42 years.
He eventually received his high school credentials after graduating from Draughn's School of Business in Little Rock. And during his accounting career eventually became a licensed public accountant, though never desiring to become a CPA. Dad was not a handyman, nor was he a hunter, or an athlete. But he did do some painting around the house, attempt at some home repair, took me target shooting using his .22 long rifle, and I can remember a couple of years that he would take me & my sister camping at Blue Mountain Lake State Park.
One thing I never grew ashamed of was my affection & my love for my dad. Throughout my school years, when Dad would drop me off, it was as second-nature as breathing, I would always plant a kiss on Dad's cheek. Yes, even as a senior in high school. And yes, I got a few "ribbings" from my classmates because of it...but I'm guessing that's because they didn't have the sort of relationship with their dad as I did with mine.
Now as I am older, more & more of Dad's frequent sayings are drifting back to memory. One that I tried to live out is that "it is easier to change your attitude toward the world than for the world to change its attitude toward you". Dad was a hopeless optimist. He would always find a way to see the brighter side of life. When I would belittle a classmate because of his economic class, my Dad would quickly come to his defense saying my classmate may not have been able to help his condition & that I should not make fun of him.
My Dad was frequently taking calls from the American Red Cross when a soldier was injured & the family was needing to be conctacted. He helped the less fortunate by serving as the Executive Director of the local public housing authority. And he was quick to look the other way when an accounting client could not pay his fee for my dad's work on his books.
Another thing Dad frequently did was to verbally tell me that he loved me. I remember him as he would tuck me in at night saying, "Your mother & I love you with all our hearts." Even as I got older & into college, my Dad would say to me on the phone, "I love you, son." Wonder how many dads would say things like that today?
When Dad died, he died with me having no regrets. When he celebrated his 25th wedding anniversary, my sister & I secretly set up a savings account at our local bank. I made the teller swear to secrecy about the account, since my Dad served on the bank's advisory board. Saving some of our allowance each week, we presented my Dad with $450 cash in the entranceway to a cataloge showroom & told them to spend it all before they left as a way to honor this occasion. When it came time for me to get married, I had little effort in trying to pick who my best man would be.
It would be my dad.
Dad did not withold his punishment if I deserved it, either. He did not give "time outs" ...no, he had a strip of an old worn out belt that was about 14 inches long. He would double that over & apply it swiftly to the backsides of either me or my sister at appropriate times. Never did I consider that this was abuse or a lack of self control.
The memories I have of my dad are those of a church leader. He used his talent of number-crunching by volunteering as my church's treasurer. He used his gift of administration by serving on the church's board of deacons. He used his gift of leadership by teaching many Sunday School classes. And he used his gift of singing by helping the bass section of the church choir.
I also learned the lesson of perserverence from Dad. I want to design a t-shirt that on the front would say, "I came from a dysfunctional family." On the back it would read, "My parents stayed married." When asked after a heated argument between my sister & my mom, "Dad, how are you able to stand it living with her?!?!?" He patiently replied that, "She was like this when I married her 35 years ago, and she was like this when I woke up in bed with her this morning." He made the choice to live out his committment irregardless of how he felt about her at the immediate time.
Yes, I miss Dad terribly. But I have peace about the fact that never have I had any regrets about how I treated him...nor of how he treated me. My dad was no schmuck. So, if you are a dad & wonder why you get so many collect phone calls at Father's Day, maybe it's because you just don't act like a dad should. There should be no reason that Father's Day could out-do Mother's Day in the number of cards bought & calls made for dear ol' Dad. But sadly, too many fathers have determined how fatherhood is being treated by the way they've treated their families.
I marvel at those who have said to me how difficult it is to be a parent these days. Being a parent is no more difficult in today's culture than it was during the culture of my father or even his father's. As times change & as society advances, so does parenthood. Each generation has its share of difficulties of parenting. But being a good father is one insuring factor how to keep parenthood from being such a dirge to the next generation.
I continually thank God for my Dad for providing me with the role model I needed to be as good of a Dad as he was. When I see him again in the splendor of God's Glory in Heaven, the first thing I'm going to do is give him a kiss on the cheek.
