"You've given a piece of your mind to so many people, it's a wonder you've got a mind left." --Billie Marie Leslie [1931-2000] (I still love you mom.)
9.09.2006
Help me to understand
Yeah, I said ministers. Preachers. Pastors. I really think some people think that because they have a degree from "cemetary"...er, I mean seminary, they can poke their noses into the business of anyone they jolly well please. Even total strangers.
Take one such busybody....a preacher who contacted a board member of a Christian radio station I volunteer at once a week to do a rock show. He felt it was his calling to Google people who was there. Okay, fine. It's a free country. Well, he Googled me & for some unknown reason, he got a link to my Frapper page. Yeah, so it's just another page to "network" with people online.
Well then he got his sanctimonious nose out of joint when he saw that ~gasp!!~ I had a pipe in my mouth. But even that wasn't as big of a deal except that in my description I had also mentioned that my radio show was on this station. Okay so now he thinks this is an issue.
I say, "Get a life."
It just frosts me when shallow people who get a little "spirituality" and think God has called them to control another person. I have said before that my spirituality, my relationship to God, or my eternal destination is not solely wrapped up in what I wear, what I say, what I put in my mouth, or any other picky-unish little splinter someone wants to find (using a magnifying glass) in my eye.
And, the same should also apply to anything I am associated with (yeah, I know my participle is dangling...but I'm just a bit horked off at the moment).
Now, thankfully the board member at the station was cool about it.... Thank the Lord there IS some reason in the world. And, for the sake of this pompus preacher who is "bothered" by this "offensive" photo, I took it off my page and removed any reference to the radio station. But good grief... I wonder if he'd be just as accomodating if someone was critical of him or one of his sermons? Or someone at his church? Or what he watched on TV when no one was looking?
You know what's even funnier? The man who founded Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth, TX smoked a cigar and had the thing painted into a portrait of him that is displayed at the school.
Well, it was displayed at the school for years until....
...some fat-headed pharisee got their knickers in a twist about seeing the founder of the seminary posing with a fat cigar between his fingers. So the school had it painted out!!
And the conservative Christian community are the ones crying "foul" when the secular humanists try to rewrite history in our schoolchildrens' textbooks.....
Get real people. It's not about what you smoke, eat, drink, or wear. It's about Jesus.
8.23.2006
I'm not much into football, but. . .
I live in Nittany Lion Country...Happy Valley, PA...the home of Joe Paterno & Penn State. People around here just go stupid crazy over football, and it's going to be an ever more stupid-crazy fall this year since Penn State won a bowl game last year. Already, freshman enrollment is up 25% - higher than in the school's history. The University is encouraging incoming freshment to consider living in apartments instead of on campus.
I dread going to Wal-Mart on a day of a home game.
But I should not be all that worked up because my childhood is grounded in Friday night football traditions. And, yes, I get a little stupid-crazy over the twice-State Champions - the Booneville Bearcats - even before they make it to the play-offs in November.
Every Friday night my family would set aside anything else on our agenda & we would battle the lines of cars to Bearcat Stadium where we'd sit on splintery, old bleachers & shout ourselves hoarse for the town's only football team. And that town needed no other. Hardly a store was open, hardly a car was seen on Main & Broadway, and hardly were there anything going on in town except at Bearcat Stadium.
There, nearly 90% of Booneville's 3,200 residents jammed into the home stands to make enough thunderous noise to scare the britches off anyone from an opposing team long before the umpire blew the first whistle to start the coin toss.
I remember chilly evenings where I huddled over my cup of hot chocolate, watching to see if the Bearcats would inch that ball into the end zone. On the less intense moments, my lack of interest in athletics was seen more prominently as I would be running under the bleachers or goofing off with my friends who were playing in the pep band.
Yet I had to be in Bearcat Stadium every Friday night...and I had to be on the bus my church would take to attend every "Away" game, too. And, when the Bearcats would come away with another victory, I had to join in the blaring of horns as the dozens of cars filed out of the parking lot into town. It was such a rush to just lay on the horn for blocks on end & watch as folks would cheer from the sidewalks knowing that the mighty Booneville Bearcats stomped another victim.
Now, since I live 12,00 miles away from Bearcat Stadium, I must simply read about the thrill of the game or the agony of defeat in my weekly newspaper from Booneville that I get in the mail every week. And I read with a strange twinge within me as I see names I am very familiar with...names that used to be my classmates - except that they are the children of my old classmates. And they are keeping the spirit alive by wearing those colors of honor: The Purple And The Gold.
Now, where's my hot chocolate & popcorn?
7.25.2006
Analyzing my temperment, personality, & gifts.
Discernment - 16
Evangelism - 17
Exhortation - 20
Faith - 19
Giving - 7
Helps/Serving/Ministering - 10
Knowledge - 10
Mercy - 10
Pastor/Teacher - 11
Teaching - 13
Wisdom - 14
Showing Mercy: 36%
The Greek root word for encouraging is "paraklesis". The scriptures show that the gift of encouragement will 1) edify and exhort 2) give peace to a troubled mind through speaking a message of encouragement and 3) bring joy and comfort.
Encouragers have the ability to call forth the best in others through encouragement and motivation. Thus naturally, people with the gift of encouragement feel comfortable around people and tend to have extraverted personalities. Anecdotal research shows that encouragers not only encourage others but also like to prescribe practical advice. Encouragers want to see people improve and succeed. They have an ability to bring new life to people who have lost their determination and feel burnt out.
Encouragers are good with every personality and gift. However, because encouragers are considerate of the feelings of others, they can easily be offended when people are not considerate toward them. Encouragers love to "fix" things and make the world a happier place!
The first motivational gift in Romans 12 is the gift of perceiving. The Greek word for this gift is "propheteia". In scripture, we can see specific traits and behaviors of the gift of perceiving. They are: 1) the ability to interpret scripture, 2) to reveal information to others, and 3) an ability to speak the mind of God.
Perceivers have a keen sense of right and wrong. This is a form of discernment that we have seen in Christians and non-Christians alike. It is because of this sense of right and wrong that perceivers hold very high standards. They tend to be perfectionists because of their high standards and often become their own worst critics. In some cases, perceivers do not realize their gift and they can become very critical of other people or situations, which emerges as a pessimistic attitude.
The primary function of this gift is to reveal information the perceiver has discerned in a way that will help others. This information is not always positive and well received. As a result, perceivers sometimes appear direct, blunt, or inconsiderate of the feelings of others particularly when sharing this information with people possessing different motivational gifts. This is a classic case of the gift being misunderstood because their real intention is to help people.
In contrast, at times the primary function of the gift is not to reveal the information the perceiver has discerned – in these cases, God has allowed the perceiver to discern such things so they can pray about them. Often when people do not understand the purpose of this gift, they can feel (and become) judgmental instead of prayerful. Make no mistake about it, this information is purposefully shown to the perceiver for a reason!
From the ADVISOR TEAM:
Guardians are the cornerstone of society, for they are the temperament given to serving and preserving our most important social institutions. Guardians have natural talent in managing goods and services--from supervision to maintenance and supply--and they use all their skills to keep things running smoothly in their families, communities, schools, churches, hospitals, and businesses.
Guardians can have a lot of fun with their friends, but they are quite serious about their duties and responsibilities. Guardians take pride in being dependable and trustworthy; if there's a job to be done, they can be counted on to put their shoulder to the wheel. Guardians also believe in law and order, and sometimes worry that respect for authority, even a fundamental sense of right and wrong, is being lost. Perhaps this is why Guardians honor customs and traditions so strongly--they are familiar patterns that help bring stability to our modern, fast-paced world.
Practical and down-to-earth, Guardians believe in following the rules and cooperating with others. They are not very comfortable winging it or blazing new trails; working steadily within the system is the Guardian way, for in the long run loyalty, discipline, and teamwork get the job done right. Guardians are meticulous about schedules and have a sharp eye for proper procedures. They are cautious about change, even though they know that change can be healthy for an institution. Better to go slowly, they say, and look before you leap.
Guardians make up as much as 40 to 45 percent of the population.
The JUNG TYPEOLOGY TEST:
Your Type is ENTP |
Extroverted | Intuitive | Thinking | Perceiving |
You are:
- moderately expressed extrovert
- moderately expressed intuitive personality
- moderately expressed thinking personality
- moderately expressed perceiving personality
Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving
by Marina Margaret Heiss
Profile: ENTP
Revision: 3.0
Date of Revision: 26 Feb 2005
"Clever" is the word that perhaps describes ENTPs best. The professor who juggles half a dozen ideas for research papers and grant proposals in his mind while giving a highly entertaining lecture on an abstruse subject is a classic example of the type. So is the stand-up comedian whose lampoons are not only funny, but incisively accurate.
ENTPs are usually verbally as well as cerebrally quick, and generally love to argue--both for its own sake, and to show off their often-impressive skills. They tend to have a perverse sense of humor as well, and enjoy playing devil's advocate. They sometimes confuse, even inadvertently hurt, those who don't understand or accept the concept of argument as a sport.
ENTPs are as innovative and ingenious at problem-solving as they are at verbal gymnastics; on occasion, however, they manage to outsmart themselves. This can take the form of getting found out at "sharp practice"--ENTPs have been known to cut corners without regard to the rules if it's expedient -- or simply in the collapse of an over-ambitious juggling act. Both at work and at home, ENTPs are very fond of "toys"--physical or intellectual, the more sophisticated the better. They tend to tire of these quickly, however, and move on to new ones.
ENTPs are basically optimists, but in spite of this (perhaps because of it?), they tend to become extremely petulant about small setbacks and inconveniences. (Major setbacks they tend to regard as challenges, and tackle with determin- ation.) ENTPs have little patience with those they consider wrongheaded or unintelligent, and show little restraint in demonstrating this. However, they do tend to be extremely genial, if not charming, when not being harassed by life in general.
In terms of their relationships with others, ENTPs are capable of bonding very closely and, initially, suddenly, with their loved ones. Some appear to be deceptively offhand with their nearest and dearest; others are so demonstrative that they succeed in shocking co-workers who've only seen their professional side. ENTPs are also good at acquiring friends who are as clever and entertaining as they are. Aside from those two areas, ENTPs tend to be oblivious of the rest of humanity, except as an audience -- good, bad, or potential.
Some Famous ENTPs:
Alexander the Great
Confederate General J. E. B. Stuart
Sir Walter Raleigh
Fictional:
Mercutio, from Romeo and Juliet
Horace Rumpole, from John Mortimer's Rumpole of the Bailey series
Dorothy L. Sayers's detective Lord Peter Wimsey
A Functional Analysis -- by Joe Butt
Extraverted iNtuition
ENTPs are nothing if not unique. Brave new associations flow freely from the unconscious into the world of the living. Making, discovering and developing connections between and among two or more of anything is virtually automatic. The product of intuition is merely an icon of process; ENTPs are in the business of change, improvement, experimentation.
The attraction Extraverted iNtuition has toward the real and physical amounts to a cosmic non sequitur: theory is drawn to practice. Such encounters are clearly puzzling. Both parties--the intuitor and the realist--are aware of a xenic quality in their meeting, with reactions ranging from recoil to reverie.
Introverted Thinking
Thinking is iNtuition's ready assistant, an embodiment of the sort of logic found in laws, boards and circuits. Thinking's job is to lend focus and direction to iNtuition's critical mass. The temporary habitations of changeling iNtuition are constructed of Boolean materials from Thinking's storehouse. Ultimately, Thinking is no match for iNtuition's prodigiousness. Systems lie in various states of disarray, fragmentary traces of Thinking's feverish attempts to shadow and undergird the leaps of the dominant function. One can only suppose that Thinking must continue to work during REM sleep pulling together iNtuition's brainchildren into integral wholes.
Extraverted Feeling
To the extent that Feeling is developed, ENTPs extravert Feeling judgment. As a result, it is not uncommon to find affability and bonhomie in members of this species. Tertiary functions are potentially utilitarian. Their limitations appear in their relative underdevelopment, diminished endurance, and vulnerability. ENTPs may harness Feeling's good will in areas such as sales, service, drama, humor and art. ENTP loyalty often runs high and can be hooked by those the ENTP counts as friends.
Introverted Sensing
Like a tail on the kite of iNtuition, Introverted Sensing counterweighs these beings drawn to nonconformity and anarchy. These shadowy sensory forms, so familiar to SJ types, serve as lodestones which many ENTPs employ Herculean measures to escape. "Question authority! (then do exactly what it tells you)" sums up the dilemma in which ENTPs may find themselves by attempting to best the tarbaby Sensing. Occasionally acknowledging awareness of norms and abnormality could, in theory, be potentially freeing.
Additionally, I've noticed that ENTPs have the need to have areas of expertise/excellence/uniqueness in which one is second to none. I've never beaten an ENTP at his/her own game--not in the final analysis. (e.g., just tonight, my neighbor who is recuperating from an illness received a call from an ENTP friend offering his special recipe for tea. The instructions required only the finest ingredients, a particular brand of orange juice, tea made with a ball--none of those horrid teabags--..., which will of course make the best tea of which he himself drinks 50 gallons each winter!)
A Few More Famous ENTPs
- U.S. Presidents:
- John Adams, 2nd US president.
[Adams appears to have been competing with
Thomas Jefferson to see who would live the
longest. ("Jefferson surv...")] - James A. Garfield (who could reportedly write Latin
with one hand and Greek with the other, simultaneously) - Rutherford B. Hayes
- Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt
Thomas Edison
Lewis Carrol, author (Alice in Wonderland)
Julia Child
Suzanne Pleshette
George Carlin
Valerie Harper
John Candy
John Sununu
Weird Al Yankovick
Marilyn Vos Savant
Alfred Hitchcock
Tom Hanks
David Spade
Céline Dion
Matthew Perry, Chandler ("Friends")
Rodney Dangerfield
Fictional Characters:
"Q" (Star Trek--The Next Generation)
Shirley Feeney (Laverne and Shirley)
Bugs Bunny
Wile E. Coyote
Garfield the cat
Copyright © 1996-2005 by Joe Butt and Marina Margaret Heiss
Phil Leslie | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Spiritual Gifts | Strength | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Evangelism | 15 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Prophecy | 15 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Teaching | 11 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Exhortation | 17 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Pastor/Shepherd | 18 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Showing Mercy | 12 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Serving | 11 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Giving | 7 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Administration | 12 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
About Your Spiritual Gifts Spiritual gifts are tools God gives Christians to do the work of the ministry -- to fulfill the Great Commission to reach, baptize, and teach and to minister to one another. Every Christian receives at least one gift at the moment of salvation. Spiritual gifts are not rewards, are not natural talents, are not a place of service, are not an age-group ministry, and are not a specialty ministry. They express themselves through various ministries which, in turn, accomplish a variety of results. A spiritual gift is the primary channel by which the Holy Spirit ministers through the believer. It is a supernatural capacity for service to God -- and He gives you a supernatural desire to perform the duties of that gift. Spiritual gifts are tools for building the church. They are a source of joy in your Christian life and influence your motives. A spiritual gift is a divine calling with a divine responsibility, because what God has gifted you to do, He has called you to do, and what He has called you to do, He has gifted you to do. There are three categories of gifts: The Miraculous Gifts, generally known today as Charismatic Gifts; the Enabling Gifts which all Christians have the ability to develop (faith, discernment, wisdom, and knowledge -- qualities possessed rather than activities performed); and Team Gifts which are activity, service, or task-oriented. The Team Gifts are functional and involve speaking or ministering. Chances are, you have several of these gifts that vary in different degrees and intensity. In many cases, spiritual gifts even complement your secular employment. The Spiritual Gifts Analysis you took identified your dominant TEAM GIFTS which will help you find your place on the team in your church. Prayer and serving God will also help you see where God wants you. This profile gives you a simple bar graph showing how all the gifts relate to you and to each other, but analyzes indepth only your dominant and secondary gifts which are the ones that will have greater influence in your life. Your dominant gifts are Pastor/Shepherd, Exhortation
As a gifted shepherd, you have the Spirit-given capacity and desire to serve God by overseeing, training, and caring for the needs of a group of Christians. You are usually very patient, people-centered, and willing to spend time in prayer for others. You tend to be a "Jack of All and Master of ONE," meaning you are usually dominant in one of the speaking gifts (evangelist, prophet, teacher, exhorter) as well. You are often authoritative, more a leader than a follower, and expressive, composed, and sensitive. Your pleasing personality draws people to you. You have a burden to see others learn and grow and are protective of those under your care. You want to present the whole Word of God and do not like to present the same materials more than once. You are willing to study what is necessary to feed your group and are more relationship oriented than task oriented. You are a peace-maker and diplomat - very tolerant of people's weaknesses. You tend to remember people's names and faces. You are more concerned with doing for others than others doing for you. You are faithful and devoted and may become a workaholic. You can become an all-purpose person in order to meet needs. People with the gift of shepherding make the best Sunday school teachers and group leaders because their desire is to go beyond just teaching or leading, to shepherd and minister to the daily needs of their students. The position of Sunday school teacher or group leader is an extension of the pastoral ministry in the church. These groups should be shepherded on a small scale the same as the pastor shepherds the whole congregation on a large scale. Be careful to involve other people; don't try to do it all yourself. Work on making people accountable. Do not be overly protective of your "flock." Because of these potentially weak areas, other people may think it is your job to do all the work; they rely too heavily on you. You may be expected to be available at all times, know all the answers, and be at every function. Learn when to say no. Beware of Satan's attack on your gift. He will cause discouragement when the load gets heavy, and pride because your "sheep" look up to you. You may develop family problems because of too little time and attention. You may become selfish when "sheep" feed in other pastures. HOW CAN YOU USE YOUR GIFT? This gift is a great help in many areas. You may serve as a Sunday school teacher, small group leader, pastor or assistant pastor, bus captain, special ministry leader (such as youth, children, men, etc.), nursery worker or as a half-way house or other type shelter volunteer. You may consider serving as a dormitory leader in a college, orphanage, children's home, etc. Scout troops would appreciate your assistance as a den leader.
As an exhorter you are a very practical person, a good counselor, tolerant of others, serious-minded, orderly, and usually impulsive. You are expressive in a group setting; the group listens when you speak. You are comfortable working one-on-one or in groups. You are enthusiastic and talkative and enjoy encouraging others. You are burdened to show how Scripture relates to conduct and have a desire to unify people by using practical rather than doctrinal issues. You likely place great importance on God's will and believe that His Word has the answer for every problem. You tend to make decisions logically rather than on feelings and are very orderly. Be careful not to interrupt other people; your enthusiasm sometimes makes you guilty of this. Others may think you don't use enough Scripture in teaching because you tend to use Scripture to support what you are teaching rather than starting with Scripture. Unlike teachers, you have the willingness to teach the same material again and again, updating and perfecting it as you do. As a counselor you usually have the ability to leave other people's problems "in the office" rather than letting them drag you down. Beware of Satan's attack on your gift. He may cause pride in your motivational abilities. He may influence you to lose sight of people because of program emphasis. Don't become discouraged when results are not evident. Be careful not to encourage others to do the wrong things through your persuasive abilities. HOW CAN YOU USE YOUR DOMINANT GIFT? You may use your special gift in many areas. You may want to be a leadership trainer. You could certainly serve as a counselor in church or in a counseling center. You could teach in church training or seminars or even small groups. You would make a good telephone ministry worker and would be a tremendous volunteer to follow up with new converts. You would work well as an encourager with those who are discouraged and as a counselor in a drug or alcohol program, rescue mission, poverty program, half-way house or runaway ministry or in a shelter for abused women and children. You could also use your gift in organizing or serving in a Men's or Women's Ministry. Building an effective team in your church depends on putting the right people in the right places. The best way to determine what place each person belongs in is by determine everyone's spiritual gifts. But, just discovering your spiritual gift is not enough. Here's the real challenge. Many Christians are asking the question, "What is my spiritual gift?" When in reality they need to be asking, "What is a spiritual gift?" They do not understand the relationships of spiritual gifts. That is, they don't understand how a spiritual gift relates to their life, how it relates to the will of God for their life, how it relates to the lives of those around them, how it relates the local church, or how it relates to the body of Christ as a whole. To give John J. Christian an additional name and make him John J. Exhorter Christian is only doing him an injustice. Having a new name or title does not make you a more effective, more fulfilled, or a better Christian, nor does it give you any more understanding of yourself or those around you. Most contemporary material written on spiritual gifts does an adequate job in helping you recognize, discover, and define what your spiritual gifts are. Also, many do a fine job of teaching on the individual parts of the body, but few complete their teaching by assembling the body, thus showing how church members can work as complementing, effective, and efficient team. Thus, teaching a person only what their spiritual gift is without teaching them what a spiritual gift is, is like giving someone a new tool without giving them the operator's manual. They will never understand it fully nor will they be able to use it to its maximum potential. The same is true with your spiritual gifts. Now that you have taken this inventory and know what your spiritual gifts are, we encourage you to study the principles that revolve around and relate to spiritual gifts. These principles combined with recognizing your gifts have been proven to dramatically change lives AND build churches. We have many resources available to help you better understand your gifts and how they relate to all areas of your life. Plus, we have resources to equip and assist you in teaching spiritual gifts and biblical team building to others. Furthermore, we have teachers who can come to your church and teach private seminars for you group. For additional information on resources or seminars just click on the appropriate button below. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
How do you compare with the rest of the Body of Christ? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Analysis of Comparison Charts
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6.16.2006
A Legacy
Grandma Ruby spent a lot of her time laughing, too. Sometimes she would laugh at inappropriate times & try to gain her composure back before smiling & sweetly saying, "I'm sorry...". Grandma Ruby would always find something funny about most every situation in life.
Last night about 1am, Grandma Ruby entered into Heaven's Gates laughinig.
She had just turned 99 years old not even 2 months ago. And now, God is laughing, too.
Grandma Ruby is laughing with the Lord because she is now the happiest she's ever been. She has been reunited with her 3 prior husbands, her 2 sons (including my father), her long lost baby sister she never met because she was given up for adoption as an infant, and scores of others who have gone on before her. Heaven is echoing with her voice as she belts out that infectious cackle that I used to hear late at night as a child, going to bed before all the adults would. I couldn't hear what they were talking about, but every time I would hear that high-pitched belly laugh, I would smile.
I get daily email messages from a website called "FamilyFirst". As if it were divinely timed, the message I received today - the day I learned about Grandma Ruby's passing - talked about leaving a legacy....
Webster's Dictionary says a legacy is "something handed down from one who has
gone before." What kind of legacy are you building? Well, no matter how hard you
work or how much money you make, your lasting legacy won't be the material
things you leave behind. What will last is the kind of relationship you have
with your kids. It will directly affect not only your children, but generations
to come. So give them what the years cannot take away -- the legacy of your
time, your love, your self.
Grandma Ruby left a legacy all right. She left a legacy that taught me I should never take everything too seriously. To leave room for laughter. Grandma had a relationship with her kids & her grandkids that was sprinkled full of love & laughter. And it is this I will carry with me and share with my children. She proved that at age 99, laughter really is the best medicine.
For her 99th birthday this year, I wanted to send Grandma a colorful floral arrangement because I knew that with suffering from breast cancer for over a year, her time was short. And I wanted to tell her that the flowers represented the brilliance she contributed to my life. Even though I could only see her once a year at my annual Thanksgiving trip home, I would never think of not making that extra trip - an additional 100 miles or so - to include a visit to the nursing home where Grandma Ruby spent her final days. And I would never think of not allowing my two boys to briefly get to know, even in their young lives, this woman who will live on in my life as a true legacy.
I love you, Grandma.
5.24.2006
Anxiety Vs. Defcon 4
I desparately needed new shoes, since the ones I was wearing had "blown out" months ago...actually last summer...and now were rapidly transforming into sandals. So, I had remembered seeing some shoes I liked at Hot Topic. Yes, I said, "Hot Topic". My neighbor actually exclaimed when I told him this, "Aren't you a little old to be shopping in Hot Topic?" Well, no, actually. I do like some of the clothes there, but especially the shoes, since most of what I'd seen at the discount stores were some that resembled what the lunar astronauts wore on their first trip to the moon.
The store is dark, narrow, crowded, and full of displays that make a "straight line" impossible. So, my son began zig-zagging through the people, racks, & other assorted obstacles to the back of the store where the clothes were in search of the shoe rack. He was already voicing his displeasure in being at the store so I had to hold onto his hand & weave him through the store. I found the shoes near the back, close to the storeroom.
As my son started whining about wanting to go, one of the store's employees came up to help me. As I was describing the shoe I had hoped to find, my son began playing with the South Park toys on the rack & looking with curiosity at the door leading into the storeroom, which had a large mirror on the front.
The clerk disappeared into the storeroom to get some sample shoes for me & I had to restrain my son from following her. She returned with some shoes to sample & then took me around to the opposide side of the display to show me other styles of shoes to examine. My son, meanwhile, had started making faces in the mirror on the storeroom's door. The whole process with me & the store clerk took 5 minutes. When I was ready to try on the shoes, I circled back around the display to take my son with me. And, he had moved on. So, my next move was to start wandering the store, looking in every nook & cranny for him...thinking he was looking for more things to play with.
By the time I had made it to the front of the store, I had not seen him. Outside the store, in the mall, the local law enforcement agencies & EMS crews had their vehicles & officers set up to promote safety. They were registering children with photos & giving tours of ambulances & police cars. Thinking he had wandered into a police car or joined some of the others kids in playing out front, I scanned the crowd. No sight of him.
I began to process where he could've taken off to - he's at the coin-operated rides half-way down the mall from where we were - I was almost 100% certain. But I wanted to make sure he was not still in the store before I took off. As I started to turn for the storeroom, where I figured he may have gone, a girl from our church came up to talk. While making small talk, I continued scanning the store & the mall...not wanting to freak out anyone yet.
I guess this is where I differ from others. I was quite anxious about the whole thing. But I'm also optimistic in that I look for the positive side before diving head-first into the worst-case scenario. This also drives my inner "gut" feeling that I live in a relatively safe part of the state. I feel very secure where I live. I have seen the neighborliness, kindness, and support from folks living in Central PA in the last 2 1/2 years I've lived here. Case in point: We were once a victim of a flat tire caused by a rock on the road. In the time it took to call & report us to AAA, 3 cars offered to stop & help - the first being one with two teenagers. The 4th to stop actually got out of the car & began getting his tools out to change our tire. I had to call AAA to cancel the call because this guy had already started to work. So, we saved having to use our travel club credit. So, needless to say, I have a good impression of where I live.
During this exchange my wife met me with my oldest son & she had only one question to ask: Where my youngest son was. All I could say was, "I don't know. I'm looking for him." Now we have launched the torpedo & on our way to Defcon 4.
I quickly said I was going back to see if he had wondered into the store's storeroom & before I had made it half-way back through the store, my wife met me prepared for battle & screaming, "WHERE IS HE!!!!!!!!!!" Now, I was going to tell her I was going to check the amusement rides next but she had already run from the store like a madwoman screaming like a banshee.
In a matter of 1 minute, she had attracted the response of a University Policeman, officers from 2 neighboring townships, a Borough policeman, and a State Trooper. Descriptions were given, a crowd was gathering, my oldest son, who's only 5, started freaking out, and total pandemoneum was well underway. A search party was mobilized with local townspeople volunteering to go with the officers & emergency services personnel. I was asked if my 4 year old knew the mall. I told the officers that he did & probably knew right where he wanted to go....to the mechanical amusement rides.
The search party took off, on foot, on a bicycle, and on their radios. All I could do was to stand there & console my wife who was 30 seconds away from postal. I still had my share of anxiety...moreso because of the ruckus that was playing out around me than over the fact that my 4 year old had just split on his own destination at a crowded mall on a Saturday afternoon.
Of course, it didn't help that my wife had just watched a Dateline NBC program about child predators.
Within 10 minutes, 3 uniformed officers was walking my son back to us. The word spread quickly to the runners that preceeded the arrival of my son... "We found him!" And my wife flipped out again as she saw him grinning like a Cheshire cat being led by his police escorts. I asked one of the officers, "Was he at the play area?" "Yep, he sure was," was the reply. "You hit it right on target."
Now, had he not been at the amusement ride area, my anxiety would have begun to give way to panic. But I guess I don't "light up" as fast as some do. I try to process information as I get it rather than jump to conclusions. Nevertheless, my faith in the local community, the local emergency services personnel, and the people of the county..only reinforcing my optimistic view of the people who live in my neighborhood.
Oh, and I also make it a habit never to yell, "FIRE" in a crowded theater, either.
Once we had my son back in our custody, we marched both kids over to the table to register them with the county emergency services & have their photos taken. Then, both got to meet the State Police & have their picture taken in a real, life police cruiser. And they, too, got a good lesson on the importance of having the policeman as your friend.
4.16.2006
Out of The Loop
Granted, it's been over 35 years since all this, but nevertheless I am still affected by such social stereotypecasting. And to be honest, it still requires a bit more processing for me to work through instances like this in adult life -- even if they are unintentional.
Like today. It's Easter Sunday. We are having several friends over who do not have family in the area & would be having an Easter dinner alone. So, we asked them to bring a side dish & we'd provide the meat & desert. I helped get things ready while my wife got the kids & herself all ready to head off to Easter church services (where she works as choir/music director). I had committments to a mens' Bible Study group with our church (the one my family are actual members of).
See, even though it was Easter & typically it may be expected that a lot of folks would not attend a Bible study group because of the holiday... I do just the opposite. If I have made a committment to something, come hell or high water, you can expect me to be there 99 44/100% of the time. I think some of this comes from my personality & some from my experiences of being "out of the loop" in my childhood school experiences.
Now, this Bible study group initially was a special group of men who met regularly to pray for our pastor (a "prayer shield" so to speak). It was "by invitation only". I understand the need for this.... however, when I moved my family to the area in 2003, I had keenly researched where we wanted to attend church. And this church was the one I picked....deliberately. So, I "hit the ground running"...ready to volunteer for whatever. Most pastors or churches would drop dead if someone like me decided to allign with their fellowship & would be looking for me like a heat-seeking missle every time they needed some help.
Not here. For 2 years, I just treaded water. Never really getting asked to serve much... I watched as others were asked...and I even repeated my desire to help out in any way. But it seemed that most of my pleas went unheard. Now, recently... the "prayer shield" sort morphed into a mens' prayer group & it was opened up for any men in the church. However, this small detail was really never made too public within the fellowship. I heard about it on the side. As a "by the way" comment.
Even though I did feel like I was still out of the loop, I readily committed myself to supporting these Bible Study groups. Once I began attending, I heard comments made about the "email that was sent out". I never received any emails about the group... I just hear about it "on the side". Again, more processing to keep my feelings of being left out of the loop... and more processing to keep myself from feeling like I had just joined a group of "fair weathered friends".
Now that was a quick background on where I am today. It's Easter Sunday and I've done my part at helping get the kids ready to go with mommy to her church where she directs the choir. I've gotten ready to drive the 20 minutes across the county to the place to meet for the Mens' Bible Study group. The church's email that was sent out a few days ago even had the reminder about the event.... When I arrived at the location... not a soul was in sight. No cars in the parking lot. Nothing.
I called the home of the group leader & got his wife who gave me what I have called as the "typical response" I've grown used to hearing since becoming involved in this church 2 1/2 years ago: "Well an email went out......" Okay... so the point is.....??
I'm out of the loop.
My spiritual gift is exhortation. And it's times like this my gift gets attacked by the devil who loves to fire up my natual talent of sarcasm & synicism. I have more email addresses than Carter has liver pills. No one bothered to include one of them in this email "that went out..." I have two cell phone numbers... none were used to call me. Oh, I was also told when I called to find out where everyone was that "yeah, we got to thinking that not everyone got the email about the meeting this week".
And just what did we do about it?
Nothing, apparently. And I even gave my email address to the group leader just weeks ago so I could be including in all the future mailings.
Sorry, my sarcasm is showing.
I guess it's times like this that really challenge my tenacity to be committed to things like this. Down deep, I feel that if I'm not that important -- that even after almost three years of committment to my church -- that I could've been told that a mens' study group (a group that used to be "by invitation only") was going to be cancelled because of Easter Sunday. I was still committed to attending even though it was going to be held on a holiday.
I guess it's just the price I pay for being so damn loyal.
4.06.2006
Snowblinded
Finally, they disappeared alltogether & left me with just the reflector sticks along either side of the road to use as my guide to stay out of the ditches. The last mountain range was the worst. And it was here that the snow was the worst. The flakes swirled all around in front of my headlights...neither going in a straight line or falling gently down. All of this visual stimulatoin was causing me to be hypnotized as I putted along at about 20-30 mph.
The 2-lane Federal highway divides at one point at the base of the mountain range. I am concentrating on merely keeping the car as close to the right side of the road without dropping over the bank. My mind is reasoning, "Should I just pull over & wait this out?" I just could not bring myself to that yet. It's not desparate enough. I have driven all over northwest PA living there for almost 2 decades...this little snow squall shouldn't deter my quest to arrive at my job faithfully.
So I pushed myself in spite of my instincts.
My headlights shined upon the sign that said, "Keep Right"...so I kept my car to the right, thinking this would get me to the divided highway. I could only see as far as my headlights would shine. The road was all white...as was the shoulder, the grass, and all of the other surroundings. Down to only 15 mph & in 2nd gear, I crawled along, staying to the right until I spied the two "DO NOT ENTER" signs that I recognized as facing the opposite direction of the opposing lanes of the divided highway!
Thankfully, at this time of the morning, there were no tractor-trailers or cars (which so frequently travel this highway) as I did a 12-point turn around in the middle of the opposing lanes & tried to figure out where I was & how I was going to get over to the side of the divided highway (without ending up in the grass median, stuck for hours) that would take me to work without the head-on collision. After 10 minutes of feeling like a rat in a maze, I saw my way & was able to continue on spinning & sliding along at 15 mph.
When I was able to make it to the mountain's summit, the snow squall was beginning to lose some of its punch. I was able to make out the highway itself & began my coasting down the mountainside in 2nd gear...tooling along at 20 mph. A little more than 1/4 of the way down, the lines on the road began to appear again & by the time I had reached the bottom of the mountain range, I was back up to speed at 60 mph.
Nevertheless, my little time/space continuim had left me with about 35 minutes less time to get to work. But at least I did get to work.
3.21.2006
My world is shrinking...
I see now how as I get older my world is getting smaller. Life goes on... And I watch it pass. I live 1250 miles away from my hometown now. I see how my home state of Arkansas is slowly becoming more of a foreign land. The culture is changing, the landscape is changing & each year I visit it seems like a new element is being added or taken away.
Nevertheless, it is comforting to visit these virtual outposts of my past. I still feel connected & have the desire to know what's going on...even though I have no idea who the people are that are the subject of the news articles I read. It gives me a sense of being to know I can have a head knowledge of the events that I no longer experience first hand.
And then I hear news today that my Dad's youngest living brother, my Uncle John, has had a stroke. He is well into his 70s now, and has had numerous heart operations. The world of my family is getting smaller, too. I think of my grandmother, "Grandma Ruby", who will turn 99 in April. She has buried 2 of her own children - my Dad being one of them - and she just spends her time lying in bed in a "rest home" in southern Arkansas watching life pass her by. It is when I visit her every year at Thanksgiving that I feel like I can come home.
My home, that I spent a quarter-century living in, is now occupied by strangers. It still looks familiar, but the trimmings have dramatically changed. Soon, another milestone will pass: By the year 2010, I will have lived in Pennsylvania as long as I have lived in my childhood state of Arkansas. After that, I will be more of a Pennsylvanian than an Arkansan.
I see now, why many return to their home upon retirement. I'm starting to feel that way even now, & I still have years to go before I hang up my working shoes.
But while my world is shrinking behind me, a new world is growing in front of me. I have two precious boys who are, in their own individual way, the spitting image of "dear ol' Dad". Tomorrow, I relive a part of my past because my youngest boy will be going to the eye doctor at the tender age of 4 to be fitted for corrective lenses that he will , no doubt, be dependant up0n for the remainder of his life...just as I depend upon them right now to write this. I, too, was 4 years old when my next door neighbor (who was also to be my eye doctor) noticed I could not see the golf balls he was putting in his front lawn when he asked me to retrieve them for him while he practiced his swing.
This new world is growing each day as I see traits of me in my children...and as I introduce them to the world behind me by taking them to see their family each Thanksgiving back in Arkansas. There, I watch as they get to know & love their cousins & other family members just as I did at their age when I was brought to these family gatherings that started in 1960.
My new world grows as I take walks in the woods with my kids & hear my oldest (who is following in he father's steps by trying to be at least 15 yards ahead of everyone else on the hike) shout out toward me, "Dad... you know what?" "I love you!" and hear those words echo through the Pennsylvania mountains.
What an intricate & complicated - yet completely marvelous life we live in.
3.01.2006
Extrovert - Schmexstrovert....
For me, I guess when I look at how I worship, a lot depends on my environment. The music does help, but I don't get that caught up in the emotionalism associated a lot of times with music & worship. Now that doesn't mean I don't get emotional...it just means that I don't need music to initiate it. No, what really helps me connect in worship is looking around & seeing others who are participating in worship with me. The whole gathering together of the "saints" in celebration of Christ & His Provisions for us really undergirds my worship experience.
So many people in my church see me as an extrovert. Yeah, I guess I do seem to pitch myself in the forefront many times, but it's not because I need attention to emotionally survive. At the same time, I am not a recluse & shun a lot of public life to pursue a monatary existence. I will admit that I am a "people person"...that I get a huge charge from hooking up with people. But not a crowd of people. I'm not intimidated by crowds and I can easily walk onto a stage in front of 80,000 people - just like I did when I was introduced with the staff of a brand new Christian radio station that came to the area.
What happened Sunday though spoke louder to me than my pastor who was leading the dialogue on spiritual disciplines. I was able to connect with two friends with who I have the greatest amount of respect. One was someone I had not seen in weeks who was able to make it to a gathering at church. The other connection happened in a totally spontaneous fashion.
I saw him stepping from the mens' room looking (as we used to say down south) rather "peekid"...like he was just recovering from a weekend with the flu. Obviously, I asked if he was feeling alright. He answered with that he was indeed not feeling up to speed. When I joked that if he felt the need to hurl he should turn away from me, he laughed slightly and said he wasn't feeling sick. So, I instinctively asked if it was something I could pray for him about.
That's when his eyes filled with tears & his voice wavered & he explained how he was just feeling overwhelmed with studies at the university & with his responsibility as a leader in the local Christian group. Before I knew it, I was pulling his arm, coaxing him to follow me (and the other friend I was talking to at the time) into the church's prayer room. There my friend told of his feelings of helplessness as he feels the need to fulfill his responsibilities as a "spiritual leader" for the Bible Study group, but also knows he truly must devote time to his studies while at school.
My heart went out to him because I could easily identify with his delimma. See, this friend is someone I would not have second thoughts about laying my life down for his sake. This friend is someone I would confide in with some of the most hidden secrets in my life. And it was a friend that I was always looking for some way to express my appreciation for his loyalty & his friendship. Now it looked like that time had come.
I listened to him emotionally share his burden while trying to sort out all the experiences I had gone through that I could tell him from similar situations. "Male bonding" would be what my wife would jokingly call it...but it was more than just "bonding". I felt it was a morphing of two & of three individuals together. The physical expression of my favorite verse in Ecclesiastes:
9 Two are better than one because they have a
good reward for their efforts. 10 For if either falls, his companion can
lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they can keep warm; but how can one
person alone keep warm? 12 And if somebody overpowers one person, two can
resist him. A cord of three strands is not easily broken
Here we were: The cord of three strands, supporting each other, one of which was feeling a bit more weak & needed the support of the other two. I could see a glimmer of hope appear in the eyes of my friend, which only fueled my spiritual gift of exhortation. It was such a rush to have such a personal impact upon another - it is such a huge responsibility, too.
As we ended with a prayer for my friend, I chose to "pray us home", so to speak, but it was a struggle to do so because I was so overcome with emotion. Oh, crap. That's not supposed to happen. But it did, and as it has always happened in my prior experiences, my tears acted as a bond that drew my friendship even tighter.
I would take experiences like this over being in a crowd of people anytime. Sorry if this is a letdown to you, but I must reiterate: I am not an extrovert.
Well, in the literal sense anyway.
2.08.2006
Report Cards
This week, my oldest son brought home his report for the "second marking period" from kindergarten. I must admit, I still get a twinge when I look at the envelope. This report card was not the "card" I used to get with letter grades for each of the 6 or 7 classes that were taken. No, this was a "report packet" -- a manilla envelope clasped shut that contained several pages of 8 1/2 x 11 inch paper that went to great detail on my son's progress. And the letter grades I grew up with such as "A", "B", "C", "D" and the letter that did grace my report card on more than one occasion, "F", were not on this one. Instead it was "M" or "S" (meets expectations or some work needed).
The last page of this report was a summary of the teacher's assesment on my son's overall progress. At his age now, he is not too aware of what the ramifications of getting a report card mean, and I don't want to start out his academic experience by making him dread reporting periods. So, I let him climb up in my lap & I asked him if he would like to hear what his teacher thought of how well he did in school. As I read the teacher's summary of his progress, it was actually very difficult to keep my composure. Reading comments that told of how much he loved learning new things & how he was a "natural leader" really got to me. The teacher also described how my son thrived on pleasing others...literally soaking up any attention he could get when he knew he could initiate a positive reaction from his classmates or his teacher. The part reporting on how much he loved to read was a real grabber, too.
However, there was one particular characteristic that was specifically singled out in not just the current "marking period" but in the previous one, too. It was my son's particular weakness for "acting silly" during learning or work times. He finds it quite challenging to get control of his bubbling personality long enough to allow the teacher to present the lesson and to allow his classmates to pay attention. In fact, his teacher added that his sillyness was a "distraction" to the class.
Why did my kid have to pick up that characteristic from his father?
Next thing you know, a guidance counselor will be telling my son that he would be best suited for a career in radio.
1.26.2006
Why Youth Need Authentic Christianity
so yeah its been i dont know hong that i have been like this maybe 4 months or so i forget.. but it doesnt seem to be getitng any better. I always tend to get into these fogs of hopelessness and feeling lost and that no one wants me.. well it sorta always feels that way to me. I havent been back to school in 2 months and i dont know if i iwll go back i am trying to still figure out different options. I am getting help and all but its just doesnt seem to help me over all.. its helping some little things. I dont understand why it seems liek all the bad things have to happen to the good people. And really it seems liek i didnt do anything to deserve being treated this way. It seems like i did nothing. but other people tend to think differently.. maybe those people should undertand who i am and what i am trying to do.. i know sometimes i dont act nice to others and it might seem like i odnt care but in a way i do i really care aobut everyone in a way or another even the people that hate me and dont like me. i cant hate them back thats not who i am and thats not the way i am. Its not good to hate people it just gives you a reason for nothing.. which is pointless i odnt get it.. and i gues people dont seem to get themselvs most of the time. I always act nice and kind to everyone ( most of the time anyways) and look what i get back.. i get all this shit.. and i dont liek it.. people need to deal with their own problems.. anbd not blame me i am already going through so much shit.. and if you say you understand maybe.. you understand only a little biut.. not all of it.. unless if i have talked to you personally and told you everything.. those would be the people who i trsut.. the people that i know care a little bit.if not alot. but sometimes i wish people would care.. like maybe call to see where i was or call to see hopw i was or.. just call to hang out and do soemthing.. but nope.. i havent gotten any calls and i am sure i wont qat all in the future. yeah thats why it seems liek no one tends to care because no one seems to do anything to cheer me up.. o well i gues i am sorta alone but o well thats who i am.. if people want to be my friend they can... if they hate me thats their problem and they have to deal iwth it.. i wish people would ten to deal with their own problems instead of blame them on me. no wonder no one likes me because i tend to get a false image from people. but if people tend to know the real me.. the kid who is nice and caring.. maybe more people will understand what i am trying to do.but for now no one seem to care and no one seem to want to iunderstand and really who wants to understand me
If this doesn't epitomize what goes on inside the heads of most American teens between 13 & 19, I can't think of anything else use for an example. I do know that with teens, there is always "the rest of the story" and I always go into these situations fully aware that there is more than meets the eye. I don't think the church needs to have "The Answer" as much as I think the church needs to have the spiritual latitude to provide growing room for youth so they have the freedom to not just explore Jesus, but their own lives as well.