Love To Like You

Children often can be so transparent. One rarely has to dig deep below the surface of a child's mind. Their innocence & their vulerability is like the sweet glaze on top of a donut. It's very thin, sweet, and easily dissolved. They'll say things at times you not only least expect them to do so, but can say things at time that you'd prefer they not say at all. Like the story about the little boy who, when asked by his Sunday School teacher to tell the rest of the group where he thought God lived, replied, "In my bathroom". The thunderstruck teacher wanted to know where on earth the boy came up with that answer was then caught flatfooted when he told her that his dad would always stand in front of the bathroom door and scream, My God, are you still in there?!?!?"

One of my favorite things to watch on TV are the Art Linkletter/Allen Funt/Bill Cosby type where kids are shown in their purest form saying exactly what's on their minds. They say great wisdom comes with age, but I think you can learn a lot from a child, too.

In this vein, it continues to be dumbfounding to me how anyone can harm a child. How anyone could do harm to another person, for that matter, but especially to a child. A child so trusting and innocent that would be taken advantaged of in the worst possible way. Now in today's world, we must teach children how to scream & carry on to draw attention to themselves should they ever be abducted by some psycho who had persuaded the child to come with them by feigning an attempt to find their lost puppy.

Lord knows I'm no expert parent. I just try to do what I remember my parents doing with me (and whether it worked or not). And I had a good set of parents. I want to get a t-shirt made that says on the front, "I came from a dysfunctional family..." And on the back, it would read, "...my parents stayed married." I was taught about God, mankind, work, sex, reality. I had nothing candy-coated. What is, is "what is". As a family, we are now mulling over the possibility of being foster parents. However one stipulation in the program is that there can be "no physical discipline". What? Yep... no spankings, no hand-slapping, no mouth-boxing...all for disobedience or other forms of misbehavior. We must "softball" our discipline.

We don't do that with our own kids, so we'd either have to change our discipline behavior with everyone or we would have to cause a division between our kids & our foster kids on how we deal with behavior. I'm not sure I like either option. I do spank my kids when they disobey and I even "box their ears down" when they mouth off to me or Mommy. I don't "beat" them, of course, but I have no reservations in "applying the board of education to the seat of learning"...if you know what I mean.

I have two small children, with the oldest just starting kindergarten this fall. The younger is 18 months apart from the oldest. And, true to form, they both are very transparent in what they say or how they react. Many times as I sit at the computer, sit in church, or be somewhere I'm easily accessable to my boys, one of them will occasionally walk up to me & pucker their lips for a quick "peck". My youngest will often sit in my lap at church where he'll reach up & kiss my cheek & I will reciprocate. And this exchange of "butterfly kisses" will be repeated several times.

However one trait that is prevalent is when (usually) my oldest will speak up or come to me & say, "Dad...?" To which I'll reply with, "Yes...?"

"Um. . . " And his gaze will drift upward & you think he's forgotten what it was he wanted to say, before he will continue.

"I like you."

Now this may sound odd to you because one would expect your child to say, "I love you" before saying, "I like you", right? Actually, I think it would be more like stating the obvious if my son did that. You see, in a home that has both firm discipline with love & acceptance one would expect their children to feel "loved". It sort of "comes with the territory".

But to say "I like you" speaks differently. I remember my uncle years ago when he became very angry at my ornery cousin & punished him for his behavior. He snapped to him & said, "I love you, John, but right now I don't like you very much." I thought, "Wow! That is hardcore!" But it was a truthful, authentic expression.

Likewise, when my children say to me, "I like you", I believe they are saying it out of love and it speaks volumes. I think it reveals their contentment, confidence, and their comfort in their relationship with me. I believe every good parent likes to love their children. However, how many have loved to like them?